You Too Can Be GM
February 25, 2012 in Boston Bruins, Carolina Hurricanes, Max Pacioretty, Montreal Canadiens, New York Rangers, PK Subban Tags: David Desharnais, Josh Gorges, Lars Eller, Max Pacioretty, Scott Gomez, Tomas Kaberle
What do you get when you total the salaries of these ten players – Josh Gorges, Max Pacioretty, Travis Moen, Peter Budaj, PK Subban, Yannick Weber, Lars Eller, David Desharnais, Mathieu Darche, and Ryan White?
You get approximately what the Canadiens are paying Scott Gomez and Tomas Kaberle.
Yes, the Dynamic Duo.
It just goes to show how smart one must be to land a job as general manager in Montreal. If Bob Gainey had only talked to New York Rangers fans, he would’ve found out then and there that Gomez was a bum. Or maybe not. I think the Big Apple fans kept quite in the hopes that somebody would take him off their hands. Ranger bloggers probably raved about the guy, all the while trying not to giggle.
And in the end, Gainey did what those down there wanted him to do. He brought in Gomez, the Sultan of Suck, and took on that nasty contract that is almost enough to handle the debt crisis in Greece. Those sneaky New York bastards.
If Pierre Gauthier and his cronies had listened to Leaf fans, Bruin fans, Hurricanes fans, and even us Habs fans who watched Tomas Kaberle from a distance, they wouldn’t have decided on this short-sticked, soft, ineffective, mistake-laden D-man in and made him the world’s highest-paid beer leaguer. But they never bothered to ask us. Instead, they sat around their Hot Stove Lounge-type of joint, maybe got slightly plastered, and decided Kaberle would help the power play and should give him 4 million bucks a year for three years.
And Gauthier and friends are considered hockey men. How does that happen?
I can do this job. I can drink a dozen beer, inhale some opium, drop some acid, crank some speed, smoke some crack, suck in some hashish and pot smoke, down some shooters, and eat some catnip, and still I wouldn’t have ended up with Gomez and Kaberle unless I could somehow get their contracts redone and have them agree to a more deserving wage. Somewhere along the lines of what mascots make.
And one thing about Gomez, whom the CBC guys especially think is a darn fine fellow and they wish everyone would leave him alone because heck, he’s wonderful. This underachiever to end all underachievers makes more money than the Cole, Pacioretty, Desharnais line combined.
Yep, I can be a GM. You can too. And in my perfect world, with me pulling the strings, these two players are far away.