You Too Can Be GM

What do you get when you total the salaries of these ten players – Josh Gorges, Max Pacioretty, Travis Moen, Peter Budaj, PK Subban, Yannick Weber, Lars Eller, David Desharnais, Mathieu Darche, and Ryan White?

You get approximately what the Canadiens are paying Scott Gomez and Tomas Kaberle.

Yes, the Dynamic Duo.

It just goes to show how smart one must be to land a job as general manager in Montreal. If Bob Gainey had only talked to New York Rangers fans, he would’ve found out then and there that Gomez was a bum. Or maybe not. I think the Big Apple fans kept quite in the hopes that somebody would take him off their hands. Ranger bloggers probably raved about the guy, all the while trying not to giggle.

And in the end, Gainey did what those down there wanted him to do. He brought in Gomez, the Sultan of Suck, and took on that nasty contract that is almost enough to handle the debt crisis in Greece. Those sneaky New York bastards.

If Pierre Gauthier and his cronies had listened to Leaf fans, Bruin fans, Hurricanes fans, and even us Habs fans who watched Tomas Kaberle from a distance, they wouldn’t have decided on this short-sticked, soft, ineffective, mistake-laden D-man in and made him the world’s highest-paid beer leaguer. But they never bothered to ask us. Instead, they sat around their Hot Stove Lounge-type of joint, maybe got slightly plastered, and decided Kaberle would help the power play and should give him 4 million bucks a year for three years.

And Gauthier and friends are considered hockey men. How does that happen?

I can do this job. I can drink a dozen beer, inhale some opium, drop some acid, crank some speed, smoke some crack, suck in some hashish and pot smoke, down some shooters, and eat some catnip, and still I wouldn’t have ended up with Gomez and Kaberle unless I could somehow get their contracts redone and have them agree to a more deserving wage. Somewhere along the lines of what mascots make.

And one thing about Gomez, whom the CBC guys especially think is a darn fine fellow and they wish everyone would leave him alone because heck, he’s wonderful. This underachiever to end all underachievers makes more money than the Cole, Pacioretty, Desharnais line combined.

Yep, I can be a GM. You can too. And in my perfect world, with me pulling the strings, these two players are far away.


6 thoughts on “You Too Can Be GM”

  1. I’m only taking draft picks, I’m taking one-year cap hits, I’m running cold water only into the officials locker room, I’m painting visitor’s locker room soft pink, I’m pumping nice, mellow elevator music into that pink room, and by year three I’m picking up hardware, hoisting banners, and telling CBC “you’re not welcomed here”…

  2. And Mike, two Sunday games instead of Saturday night. How come? And don’t forget, it’s a slightly earlier game I think.

  3. The only thing that makes me feel a little bit better is that the Islanders have Dipetro in the books until doomsday. LA now has Carter and that is just asking for trouble. Thank god we didn’t pick him up.

    I think there’s a serious lack of common sense here.

    If I were the Habs GM and Kaberle was made available, red flags would go up instantly. I’d wonder why Carolina, who just signed him to a three year deal, would want to get rid of him before one year has even passed. I’d tell them I’ll call back and then go to the video room and watch all the video I could of the guy. I’d then “forget” to call back.

    Same thing with Gomez (who we can thank PG for – we signed him based on Gauthier’s recommendation!!!!). I’d want to know why New York wanted to get rid of this player who is ‘so great’ that he warranted this huge paycheck.

    Hello, it’s called research people. Someone should kick Gauthier in the ass for this recommendation.

    The worst of it all is that he kept getting all this ice time when he was doing dick all. They are ruining Eller’s development because of this guy. Duh.

    22 million dollars down the drain so far for this guy. Picture who we could have had for that money. We could get a real star for that kind of cash.

    He needs to go, Kaberle has to go, Campoli, and Andre K.

    The only thing that kind of makes me happy is that Boston is really regretting picking up Pouliot. He’s still a pretty lame duck.

  4. I should also add that signing Markov to a three year deal was a big mistake. He was only asking for two but PG gave him three without being asked! 6 Million for a player who has yet to play a single game this year and may never be the player he was before.

  5. Good points about Kaberle and Gomez and red flags Darth. How these guys like Gauthier be considered hockey men? I sense you’re not a happy camper, Darth.

  6. Dennis, I’m discouraged with the team. I look around and I see other teams getting better (look at Ottawa, Boston, the Rangers, St. Louis, Vancouver and others) and then I look at us and it’s just really demoralizing. I do think that great things are coming our way but here in this moment it’s kind of hard to take. I don’t ask for a Cup every year (although it would be nice I will admit) but at least try to be contenders.

    We have such an amazing history iwith this franchise and to see some of the people in it right now is just insulting. I hate watching some other team and seeing more spirit and drive there than in our own. It’s appalling.

    God willing we’ll have a change in management and some bad people will be gone and we’ll finally be on the road to success again.

    Right now though, meh. This is some dreary stuff.

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