I’ve been after the Canadiens before to let me be stick boy Shot down by Sam Pollock, and I bugged them a couple of years ago to let me skate around the ice before the game like those little kids we see now.
All to no avail, of course. They don’t care about me. It’s obvious.
But I’ve got a plan. I’m going to trick the bastards.
I have these four different types of blank Canadiens letterhead sheets, and I’m thinking I’ll simply type a little letter saying Dennis Kane is allowed to be stick boy for one game or skate around the rink for one game, fire one of the sheets into the printer, print it up and forge Geoff Molson or Pierre Gauthier’s name on it! Then I’ll just show up with letter in hand and on some Saturday night when the boys are destroying the Bruins or Leafs, you’ll see me handing a new stick over the boards to one of our guys and the crowd will ooh and awe at the speed of my stick delivery.
Or watch with envy as I skate effortlessly around the ice in my Habs uniform, carrying the flag and waving at the chicks.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.