Tim Thomas Was Never A Member Of The Grateful Dead

We’ve learned recently that Bruins’ netminder Tim Thomas is a hard-core rightwinger, and this doesn’t mean he wants to play forward or study Maurice Richard’s or Gordie Howe’s moves down the right side.

It means he’s an ultra-conservative type who would’ve wanted to grab me and cut my long hair if he was around at that time. That’s what rednecks did, called us girls and threatened to cut our hair. Tim Thomas would have worn cardigan sweaters, kept his hair short and a mickey of rye in his pocket, and went out on Saturday nights to see if he and the boys could stomp some liberal pinko hippies in a back alley.

Thomas would have hated draft card burners and draft dodgers, and lived and breathed the lyrics from Okie From Muskogee. (no offence to Merle Haggard). In fact, he and Don Cherry would’ve hit it off, I’m sure, if they were closer in age. They could sit around and complain about all the fags and freaks and devil music, and when a waitress walks by, they could pinch her ass.

He’s the kind of guy who would swerve at hitchhikers and just miss them and laugh like crazy, think that people in foreign countries should learn English and just stay where they belong, and yes of course, he would bomb the living hell out of that God-forbidden Russia, where everyone ate their young, spoke in some alien, evil tongue, and didn’t even have the same goddamned alphabet..

C’mon Tim Thomas, loosen up. Smoke some pot. Go to a Dead concert. Heck, you can even borrow some of my Jack Kerouac books. But then again, hopefully you’ll never get another chance to say no to the White House anyway, so carry on.


7 thoughts on “Tim Thomas Was Never A Member Of The Grateful Dead”

  1. I wonder what Don Cherry will say about Tim Thomas snubbing President Obama’s invitation to visit the White House?

    Probably nothing, or maybe he will praise him for being such a strong “individual.”

    I wonder what Don Cherry would say if the Montreal Canadiens were to win the Stanley Cup and PK Subban refused an invitation from Prime Minister Stephen Harper?

    I’m pretty sure Don Cherry would blast PK on Coach’s Corner and give him an on-air scolding about how selfish he is and how he has no class and how he needs to show some respect etc. etc.

    But as far as I know, so far Cherry hasn’t spoken a word about the Thomas/Obama incident.

    Stay tuned.

  2. We all knew it, now he’s proved it! What a me first ASSHOLE, I’m sure the team as a whole feel the same way, but who cares he’s a Booin!
    les Canadiens sont la!!!!

  3. I think Cherry will be pissed with Thomas. Not sure if he’ll even bring it up but I will bet he’s not very impressed with him. Cherry is set in his ways and tradition is important to him. “Back in his day” he would have gone so he’d expect everyone to go. If it were PK though, watch out. Thomas is getting serious heat for this but PK would get it even worse. It’ll be interesting to see what the Boston faithful do in their first home game.

    Stephen King got beat up for having long hair. It was back in the 60s. He got beat up by a bunch of meatheads.

    One thing that’s always fun about life is how many people who put down others or get on their high horse always seem to forget their own shortcomings. I’ve met a few judgemental people in my life and most of the time they’re full of shit.

  4. Chris, he should’ve gone as a teammate. How hard would it have been? Some say good for him for doing what he believes in, but I disagree.

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