This Bike Needs An Exorcism

 

The Habs bike sits with the lawn mower and a bunch of junk in the basement, waiting for the next time I take it out and it tries to kill me.

This is the bike I bought for 30 bucks and restored and painted. It’s the bike from hell, Habs colours or not.

Have you ever ridden a three-wheeled bike?

Don’t.

The smallest bit of weight to one side and one of the back wheels comes off the pavement and the other starts to spin. Turning corners is ridiculous. I tried to swerve around a parked car, ran into the curb, which I’ve done way too many times, and hit a sign post. If you walk it up a hill, the back wheel keeps hitting the heel of your foot.

The brakes suck. I didn’t realize that until I went down a hill and across the main street, holding on for dear life as I just missed a bunch of cars with people who may or may not have been laughing.

I don’t know if they were laughing. I was too busy waiting to be splattered on a windshield.

It sits quietly in the basement now, waiting, like some kind of evil bike from a Stephen King novel.

It belongs in the basement. It scares the hell out of me.

12 thoughts on “This Bike Needs An Exorcism”

  1. I love how you painted the bike to match our colors but too bad you picked a haunted bike to do so. It must have belonged to a former Bruins fan since it tried to hurt you.

  2. You just convinced me. I don’t want ever to ride a 3-wheeled bike.
    It look way too dangerous.
    I would have love to have one to do land job on my yard.
    …. oh whatever, can you ship it to Qc? (I really like the little basket, can it sit 2 kids?)

  3. Dennis, even though your bike is possessed by Bruins demons it looks beautiful. What you need to do is baptize it with some DKRSFB to cleanse it of its evil.

    Here’s an idea. If you enter the picture of your bike at this blog you will have a chance to win £250. That’s about $500 I think. And the website wants entries from around the world, not just the UK.

    http://www.ilex-press.com/resources/paint-your-bicycle-call-for-entries/

    You are a regular Rembrandt of the bicycle-painting world. So please enter and do Canada proud. The picture of your bike could be used in the book they are putting together about cool-looking bikes which the owners painted themselves.

    PS I agree with hobo that you must get that bike out of the basement. A gorgeous Habs bike like that should be at the head of the parade and never in the basement.

    Basements are for Toronto Maple Leaf bikes and their team.

    I know they’re off to a hot start but the season is young.

  4. Dennis,

    Next time you venture out get one of these fellows to ride ahead of you and clear a path throught the traffic. That way you don’t need any brakes (note the absence of brakes and the calm and relaxed attitude of yer man behind there)

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WTz3VFuetjE/TbM6xpTedFI/AAAAAAAAA24/0zTAuEaRErc/s1600/Harry-Grant-motor-paced-hour-record-curved-cranks-1933.jpg

    I’ve been mad busy of late and haven’t had a chance to post about the excitement of 3 wins in row, two of thems on the Bruins.

    I don’t think there’s been so much general upliftedness since the invention of the underwired brassiere.

    Carry On! Toodle Pip!

  5. your bike is a design statement dennis. it should hang from the ceiling of your habs memorabilia room. if u have to raise the ceiling, so be it……….. it doesn’t matter whether u win or lose, it’s how u look.

  6. Great picture, Blue Bayou. Thank you. It’s exactly what I need so I don’t end up in traction from an oncoming vehicle smashing into me. And about you being busy – you have to slow down and smell the roses. I can’t here because the deer ate them all.

  7. Danno, thanks for the tip, and yes, I sent them the picture and I hope they like it. I also hope they don’t mind it sitting beside a bunch of junk and a lawnmower. I also wouldn’t mind the £250!
    It’s almost plane fare to Ontario!

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