There’s Still A Chance I Can Become A Montreal Canadien

I’ve had enough of this. The world is passing me by. I’m missing my chance. So I’m doing what needs to be done.

This is the letter I mailed off this morning. (seriously)

To:

Club de Hockey Canadien

Centre Bell

1260 De La Gauchetiere Ouest

Montreal, Quebec

H3B 5E8

 

Dear Sir or Madam,

This letter is regarding the two young kids at the beginning of the game who are dressed in Habs uniforms, carry flags, and skate around the Bell Centre ice.

I would like to apply for this position.

I’m only assuming that there is no age limit for this task, but they look quite young and I am 57 years old. But I assure you I would carry out these pre-game activities to the best of my ability, in a serious and professional manner.

I realize that you probably have all your young kids already scheduled for this season, but this is fine for me. Next year works well also.

Even though I live in a semi-isolated place on Canada’s west coast, I can be in Montreal on short notice. I’m even available for a couple of games if one of the kids phones in sick.

The Montreal Canadiens have always treated their fans in a first-class manner, even though I wrote, as I’m doing now, but was denied the chance to be stick boy for one game in the early 1960’s. (Although Sam Pollock did send me a nice note saying why).

Thank you very much for your consideration. They say dreams do come true. Now’s your chance to make it happen for me before I join the Rocket and Boom Boom in heaven in another twenty-five years or so.

Sincerely,

Dennis Kane.

 

Resume:

Been a loyal, unwavering Habs fan for more than 50 years.

Am a good skater and was a smallish yet shifty right-winger for Orillia’s Byer’s Bulldozers Bantam team.

Will buy my own uniform if you don’t want to do that.

My wife would be proud. And you have no idea how proud I’d be.

6 thoughts on “There’s Still A Chance I Can Become A Montreal Canadien”

  1. Dennis,

    As Henry David Thoreau said, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”

    Good luck with your application. We’re all pulling for you!

    All the best,

    Brian

  2. Thanks Brian. Wouldn’t it be funny if they said yes? Better make sure my skates are sharp.
    Dennis.

  3. Dennis,how much does it cost to have 4 blades sharpened on your “bobskates”?????
    Looking foreward to seeing you circle the ice !!!!
    GO HABS GO & YOU TOO !!!!!!!!

  4. You know, I had a pair of Tacks, but they sat outside on the porch for so long that when I picked them up, they dissolved into a kind of white powder.

  5. DK,

    For much of the game I was thinking of Ali’s famous `rope-a-dope’ strategy against George. In this `hockey’ version, alas, we were the `dopes’: not only were the phlunkies keeping everything outside, they weren’t indulging in their usual idiot cheapo playing style – we were being lulled into a slow boring monotonous rhythm, in a word the phlunkies were `innocuous’. Finally, just in time, we broke the spell but it was closer than it ought to have been. Lesson? We cannot sit back and let them dictate the pace of the game.

    DK, good advice from Brian only, hehehe, you cannot go `backwards’ “in the direction of your dreams” – alas, time is very much part of the physical fabric of our shared reality. Hmm, perhaps you might wanna holler `ageism’ and demand equal ice-time with the ice-hoggin’ peewees? Write Ottawa, I’m sure they’ll come on board.

    Speaking of which, once again I was astounded by the amazing ability of the ideological smurffs running Ottawa to engage in adolescent behaviour. Just when I’m convinced it’s impossible for them to be more childish, more hopelessly immature in vision in common-sense in deed they jump out of their box and shout: Surprise! This time they got 12,000 kids to line up along the canal and the bridge to `hug’ …. yes, the CBC actually covered this display of pre-adolescent wish-fulfillment as if it were something to be proud of. I shudder to think of what they might do next? Start an annual `hug-a-thon’ to show the world how haphaphappy Canadiens are? How we `really do luuuv each other’? How hugging once a year can lead/point the way to a happier conflict-free sharing luving caring all-inclusive world? Yes, if only the rest of the world could know what we Canadiens know, how a hug-a-day keeps poverty away! But, I wonder, what will they do when some of those subversive anti-social Leaf fans start infiltrating their hug-a-thon and begin high-sticking these HugBunnies? Duh, stoooopid me. Why, they’ll just hug `em to death, eh? Yes, the Ottawa Rah Rahs are now officially the Bunnies and their fans are HugBunnies. Sports fans, the Sens may lose but, hey, after it’s all over they’ll hug you (willy-nilly) and they and their fans, the oh-so-generous and enlightened HugBunnies will promise to hug you even if they win for which aggressive behaviour they will, of course, humbly apologize and vow never to be so selfish in the future.

    So, the Punkette is back. I see she is still flashing that dopey pic – bury it punkette and, please, don’t plant a memorial over that goofy-lookin’ head. Or, at the very least, put a Hab’s jersey on it. And, of course, the rioting was sparked by Bruin Bozo fifth columnists – at least you got that right!

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