Bob Gainey – General Manager, Montreal Canadiens
Pierre Boivin – President
The other day, the New York Yankees allowed comedian Billy Crystal to not only work out with the team in full uniform, but to also take a full at-bat during a spring training game against the Pirates. The Yankees are a world-class organization and know what they’re doing.
But the Montreal Canadiens are also a world-class organization, and therefore, I’m taking this opportunity to request the chance to dress for an exhibition game next fall.
Although I haven’t had skates on in ten years, and am almost as old as Billy Crystal, I haven’t smoked in quite some time, and I feel I could contribute on right wing, possibly in place of Michael Ryder. Or, if you need me on defence, I’m sure there will be a few openings in the fall (Patrice Brisebois, Mathieu Dandenault etc.) You could even schedule me for when you meet the Senators. I know I could stop Jason Spezza. No one seems to able to do this job now, so why don’t you let me try. I can’t be any worse.
I’m not asking for much, just an exhibition game. However, if I own the puck the way Henri Richard did in his initial season, you may feel free to keep me.
When I was about 13 years old, I wrote to Sam Pollock asking to be stick boy for a game at the Forum, and Mr. Pollock promptly wrote back saying that if he let me do it, he’d basically open up a can of worms, and I must be content to watch my favourite players from a distance.
I’ve stewed over this for decades, as I feel I would have been exceptionally fast in giving a new stick to Mr. Beliveau or Mr. Rousseau if they had broken one during the action.
I sort of feel I was cut from the team.
So now’s your chance to make good and clear my mental issues that came from rejection all those years ago.
If the Yankees can do it, so can you.
Oh, and if you don’t mind, can I please wear number 6 for the game? I’ve always felt I was a Ralph Backstrom-type player, smallish but speedy, and I’m sure Mr. Kostopoulos wouldn’t mind sitting out, as he does it quite often anyway.
Thanks a lot.