The Master Plan Is Unfolding Like Sophia Loren’s Blouse

The master plan is about to stage its final chapter.

And the master plan is this: Suck for almost 70 games and then don’t suck for the last few.

Keep reasonably close to a playoff spot while sucking, and then put the hammer down when there’s just enough time to do it.

Suffer through so many injuries that Montreal city council was debating whether to build a hospital just for Habs players. But with only a dozen or less games to go, everyone gets healthy and it becomes so heartwarming that Warner Bros. is contemplating making a Christmas movie about it.

Mike Cammalleri and Marc-Andre Bergeron return like the cavalry coming over the hill to save the wagon train and a picture book with illustrations of beautiful things like flowers, deer grazing, babies laughing, and Sophia Loren taking her top off, now includes the Montreal power play.

The team, with Carey Price in goal, whips the Ottawa Senators on Monday night, a game where an errant puck crashes into Mike Fisher’s face and he becomes so hideous-looking, Carrie Underwood drops him and admits she has the hots for Jacques Martin.

The team then ventures forth into Buffalo and scores several soft goals from far out because Sabres goalie Ryan Miller still has tears in his eyes from the gold medal game.

Next they proceed to demolish the Panthers, a game where Jacques Martin isn’t even needed so he decides to make out with Underwood in the trainers room.

The Devils on Saturday lose when Ryan O’Byrne scores his first goal of the year, and after the puck is finally located in Switzerland and brought home again, is placed in the Hall of Fame.

And on it goes. The master plan is unfolding. But why didn’t they just make it easier on everyone and not get injured?

16 thoughts on “The Master Plan Is Unfolding Like Sophia Loren’s Blouse”

  1. In regards to your last post, your comment on” nobody cheers for the Canucks”….????? How many consecutive sell-out games have there been at GM Place to date? Who has the only Gold medal goalie in the world? Who has managed to sign and lock up a super-de-duper freakin’ group of outstanding talented players for the next handful of seasons? Jordy- are you with me ?…..Dennis, come on. I wish I could say all of these excellent comments on your team, but no……I still wish that we will meet in the playoffs. That will be a fun time….since Luongo even gets cheered in his hometown of Monteal. By the way, didn’t we loose to the Leafs this season as well?
    I’d say “the master plan is unfolding like #55’s jeans” lol

  2. Jan, I knew you’d be upset about this. When we meet in the final, you’ll probably be even more upset. Does this mean I can’t come to your house?

  3. All the injuries and making it the hard way serve a purpose the same way as losing to the US in the preliminary round of the Olympics. It’s the old stand-by, what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.
    Our players will be just peaking in the playoffs instead of being exhausted after a long season. Its allowed us to test out the younger players and gave us some cap-space to sign players like Bergeron and Moore.

  4. My master plan had Ryan Miller and the Sabres losing several of their last games allowing the Habs to take the 3rd seed in the East. I think that’s out now.
    I didn’t have the unfolding of Sophia Loren’s blouse in my plan, but it would make a good replacement. Do you mind sharing, or should I find my own top to unbutton?

  5. Jan, it would be nice to beat them again but they’ll never make that far to give us the chance. Does Montreal have any players in the top 20 points race?

  6. Hey Dennis, My master plan for the Habs is as follows,They make the playoffs ,I’d like to say they go all the way but I dont think it’s gonna happen. They getinto an offseason trade with Chicago,tradin Sergei Kostysin and their first round pick for Jonathan Toews.Then look out for the next season,a little far fetched but I think it is entirely possible if Jan’s Canucks are taking home the cup this year.

  7. No, Dennis this doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be welcome at our house…all things are possible. Including Toews becoming our son-in-law. Nice. Far fetched?? Nay Nay.

  8. With the possible exception of last night, Toronto have a master plan of their own. It’s called the Possum system — whereby the Leafs play dead at home and are killed on the road.

  9. Dennis, thanks for filling me in on the master plan. You are so wise and so crafty. Only you can see through the smoke screen.

    I’ll pass on the Sophia Loren blouse and substitute Hugh Jackman instead.

  10. But Diane, Hugh Jackman doesn’t have missing teeth and stitches. And if you took him to a game, you’d have to explain everything. Is that what you want?

  11. No Derry, they’re going all the way this year. We’ve waited too long. Toews would look good in bleu, blanc, rouge though.

  12. Christopher, Sophia and I are too tight to share. Maybe we can hook you up with Penelope Cruz.

  13. Dennis, you are absolutely correct. I’ll take a healthy heaping of Brian Gionta. I knew I liked the Canadiens! This is an easy transition. You never approved of Ovechkin anyway.

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