Still waiting by the phone for the stick boy thing. Have also heard nothing about keeping the players’ wives comfortable, being a flag kid, becoming owner, and riding shotgun on the zamboni.
Maybe this will work…
You might have seen the Habs dads on TV when the Canadiens travelled to Minnesota and Colorado recently, and 24CH recently showed a few minutes of them too.
The dads get to go on the road with their sons from time to time, compliments of the Canadiens organization, but alas, sometimes dads can’t go.
I’ll be a fill-in dad for a player whose real dad can’t make it!
I’ve got dad experience. I’ll make sure he gets to the rink on time. I’ll tie up his skates if he wants. And of course after the game I’ll head to the bar so I don’t embarrass him in front of his friends.
Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
The season’s about to kick off and once again I dig this out in the off-chance the decision makers finally have a change of heart. Why stop now?
Hey Habs management, I’m not able to be at the Bell Centre for the free hot dog, chips, and pop, so can I be stick boy instead?
Dear Montreal Canadiens,
In next year’s NHL Entry Draft, can I be one of the little kids that goes up on stage? I was turned down as stick boy and then flag boy, so I’m asking nicely if I can now be draft boy.
Oh, you say you have to be the owner’s son or something? Crap, it’s a big stage and there’s room enough for me too. That’s a lousy excuse. Just kick one of the suits off.
And what has the owner’s son ever done? Has he ever spent thousands of dollars on Molson beer? Does he own a bottle of Pit Lepine Froz-Ex? Has he even heard of Sprague Cleghorn? Hah, I thought not. And he’s up there being a big shot.
Please give me a chance. I’m fairly good at shaking hands, smiling for the camera, and looking kind of goofy, which is what the job calls for, doesn’t it?
And look at these other little bastards.
You were served your cold quarts of beer by middle-aged men in white shirts, at plain tables with ashtrays and cigarette burns, with framed artwork of different Canadiens’ players lining the walls around you. A thick haze of smoke lingered in the air, and people huddled at tables and talked and solved world problems.
Except for the pictures on the walls, it could’ve been just another plain and slightly rundown beer parlour in any town or city, filled mostly with men who took their drinking and hockey talk seriously. But of course it wasn’t just any old tavern. It was Toe Blake Tavern, where many went before the short walk to the Forum to see the big game.
I’ve read that Toe Blake himself would come in often, although it was never when I was there. It’s too bad I missed him. I could’ve said, “Toe, Sam says I can’t be stick boy. What’s up with that?”
“Try this one Rocket, it might have a couple of goals in it.”
“Thanks Dennis, you’ve never steered me wrong before. You’re the best stick boy I’ve ever seen.”
Now that my back is on the mend (I think), I’m about to begin serious workouts in preparation for hockey season and a possible spot on the 2012 Olympic gymnastic team.
I think you’ll be very proud of me.
I’m now ordering the much heavier pint glass instead of the smaller variety to give my arms and shoulders a bigger workout. The constant lifting is crucial for when I’m carrying sticks, or working on those rings in gymnastics. I think exercising the shoulders is probably good for a gymnast but it might not really matter for a stick boy, unless I have to pick up someone who may had fallen over the boards and crashed into my sticks.
I switch hands with every pint, thus giving equal time to both arms. I don’t know if other gymnasts and stick boys utilize this method, and in fact, maybe I shouldn’t even be saying anything.
I’ve also made a point of grabbing a broom when I pass by one, pretending it’s a stick that I must quickly hand over the boards. This is giving me the edge, I believe, because I think no other stick boy has ever done the broom practicing. And anyway, what else is a broom good for?
But again, I’m giving away trade secrets.
I just feel it’s time to get serious.
Highly sought after free agent stick boy Dennis Kane has been signed by the Montreal Canadiens to provide that much needed speed on the bench in providing sticks to players on the fly.
More details to come as the story unfolds.