They’ve said for years that the team belongs to all of us.
Good. I’m exercising my ownership rights to fire some asses.
Geoff Molson. Gone. Anyone who is part of a monster brewery and charges nine bucks for a can of beer at the Bell Centre isn’t part of my team. And anyone who owns a Montreal Canadiens team that allows things to spiral out of control is, yes, outta here.
Kevin Gilmour, Executive VP and CEO. Whatever it is you do, the team sucks. You’re gone.
Pierre Gauthier, Executive VP and GM. We know what you do, and the team sucks. You’re gone.
Fred Steer, Executive VP and Chief Financial Officer. How many freakin Executive Vice Presidents do we need? And because you’re the financial guy, maybe you’re responsible for the nine buck beer.
Dr. David Mulder. You and the other docs – Lenczner, Lacroix, and Desjardins are safe for now, only because I need you until I get your replacement in here - Dr. Barrie McDonald, my doc in Powell River, who got rid of my arthritis.
Dr. John Little, eye doctor. Most of the guys can’t hit the net so guess what. Their eyesight must suck. Didn’t you notice?
Randy Cunneyworth. You’re gone anyway, all things considered. Great guy or not, you haven’t exactly turned things around. To say the least.
Mario Leblanc, video coach. Anybody can be a video coach. Just rewind things, point out where they suck, and tell them they shouldn’t suck. I have a guy from Staples moving into your office.
Trevor Timmins, Director of player development. Hah! Player development. You’re part of the brain power in making this team what it is. Gonzo.
Pierre Gervais, Pierre Ouellette, Patrick Langlois, and Richard Genereux, Equipment guys. So long. Remember when Andrei Kostitsyn’s stick broke in half during a shoot out? I’m blaming you for that. Plus, I’ve got my own people coming in and you’re taking up valuable stick boy space.
Scouts Doug Gibson, Frank Jay, Serge Boisvert, Elmer Benning, Ryan Jankowski, Mike McCann, Bill Berglund, Pat Westrum, Vaughn Karpan, Hannu Laine, and Christer Rockstrom, see ya. Too much coffee in too many cold rinks. You need to retire.
And the players?
As owner, I’ll be directing my new management staff to keep Carey Price, Erik Cole, (of course), Max Pacioretty, David Desharnais, Lars Eller, (if only because he scored that beauty of a shootout goal), PK Subban, (although I had to toss that one around a bit), Travis Moen (because we need at least some toughness), Josh Gorges, Louis Leblanc, Rene Bourque, and Alexei Emelin. Everyone else can leave as soon as possible. Too many long slumps, too many disappearing acts, too many mistakes, and a really, really lousy power play.
I hate to see people lose their jobs, but after that soulless display against Buffalo, things had to change. Am I ever glad they said we are all owners.