Tag Archives: CFL

Happy Grey Cup Day

The 101st Grey Cup goes today in chilly Regina, with the hometown Roughriders going helmet to helmet with the Eastern Champion Hamilton Ti-Cats.

It may be cold in Regina but it’s not exactly sunbathing time in Montreal either. It’s freaking freezing. A cold wind a ‘blowin.

Winter’s beginning. The real hockey starts.

How did I get away from the Grey Cup like that?

Go Saskatchewan.

Hoping for a high scoring affair with a last second field goal to win it.

I was at a Grey Cup game at Lansdowne Park in Ottawa in the 1980s. We sat in temporary end zone seats way too far from the action. I felt like I was sitting in west-end Ottawa and the game was in the east end.

There should be a law against bad seats at any sporting event or concert. In a perfect world, everyone would see the action just like being in front of a TV, only live.

Why don’t they make male store mannequins with beer guts? The mannequin looks like a million bucks in the store window, even without a face. But when I put on the same shirt, it’s pretty bad and it’s giving me an inferiority complex.

How’d I get away from the Grey Cup again?

Go Hamilton!


Argos Cancel Stamps

The big game, the 100th Grey Cup, is now in the books as the Toronto Argonauts outshone the Calgary Stampeders 35-22, and it wasn’t nearly as close as the scoreboard showed. Calgary’s offence, with Kevin Glenn at the helm, couldn’t put together any kind of attack, passes fell short, there was no pressure and too many turnovers. They reminded me completely of the Habs power play.

Half time was almost interesting, with good old Orillia boy Gordon Lightfoot warbling his Canadian Railroad Trilogy, followed soon after by Justin Bieber doing whatever it is he does. Gordon looks old, his voice is weaker now but it’s still there, and he needs a haircut. Justin of course is a couple years younger than Gordon, his voice is downright mediocre, and he doesn’t need a haircut.

Maybe I’m wrong but I feel Mr. Bieber won’t be having a brilliant 50-year career like Gordon has. If I am wrong, you can remind me in 50 years and I’ll apologize and buy you a beer.

An unfortunate offshoot to the game? Thanks to it, the hole in the ozone is going to get bigger once again. You think cows give off emissions? You blame the cows for affecting the ozone? They’re not the only culprits. There’s also the Grey Cup partiers who ate chili and drank beer and are now polluting the atmosphere with hideous gases. Chili and beer, lots of it, consumed by way too many football fans, turning the air into a horrific, smelly, ozone hole-creating mess. And sometimes they light lighters under their bums to show they don’t care.

Of course cows are a problem too. It’s disgusting how they spend their days. Maybe if we could get a billion people or so to eat nothing but cheeseburgers and meatloaf for a decade or two, the cattle population would decrease and the hole in the ozone would have time to heal.

Next year, the Grey Cup is in Regina, where the world’s greatest football fans live. Crazy, loveable, hard workin’, hard livin’ prairie football fans.

The ozone’s in big trouble next year.

Three Pretenders To The Throne. And One King

At least four major athletes have carried the handle of “Rocket” during their careers.  I wonder who the real holder of this title is? Hmm.

ismailRaghib ‘Rocket’ Ismail? He was a star football player in college, the Canadian Football League and the NFL, made millions, and promptly went broke after losing his fortune with bad investments in restaurants, movies and phone card dispensers among others. Now he gets jobs on reality shows like Pros vs. Joes, where average guys try to deke him out on the gridiron, and Ty Murray’s Bull Riding Challenge. He also coaches Slamball, whatever that is. Is he The Rocket? Not a chance.

clemensRoger ‘Rocket’ Clemens? One 0f the greatest pitchers in the history of the major leagues with over 4000 career strikeouts. Unfortunately, this Rocket was discovered to be juiced up on steroids for much of his career and has had several extra-marital relationships, including adultery with a then-15 year old country singer named Mindy McCready. And in Joe Torre’s book ‘The Yankee Years’, Torre writes that Clemens would soak in extremely hot water and then have the hottest possible muscle liniment applied to his genitals during rub-downs. Would he be the true Rocket? Not even close. 

burePave Bure, ‘The Russian Rocket’? A great hockey player, speedy, tricky, slick. Also a prima donna who had his own room in the dressing room, apart from his teammates, a la Barry Bonds. He’s now General Manager of the Russian Oympic team. Bure has also had his share of controvery. He apparently started dating tennis star Anna Kournikova while she was still Sergei Fedorov’s woman and endured his share of gossip column chatter. And then there were those alleged ties with the Russian mafia.

Is Bure the true Rocket? A great player, but no way.

And then there’s the other Rocket. The only Rocket. I don’t have to go any further.