Someone’s Pissed At Dylan

This isn’t about hockey, it’s not even about sports, but I thought it was good, quality shit. I mean, what’s more important than toilets?

A while back, I got a motel in Malibu for a night, and while at the pizza joint nearby, I grabbed a free Malibu Surfside News from the paper rack. And I’m only just now reading it.

In the letters to the editor, I flushed out one particular story.  It went like this:

Dear Editor: Did you realize that if your neighbour decides to rent a toxic, hazardous, carcinogenic chemical toilet and plop it down permanently right next to your property, forcing you and your family to breathe its toxic fumes, the City of Malibu will do nothing to help you?

If it can happen to my family and I, it can happen to you. Let me tell you a story.

Currently, there is such a toilet very near our house on Pointe Dune. This toilet is apparently intended by my neighbor, Bob Dylan, to be a permanent fixture on his property. Unfortunately, the toilet is nowhere near his house, but the hazardous chemical vapors out-gassing from it infiltrate my living space 24 hours a day, seven days a week (worse on foggy nights), and every Friday morning a truck refills it with more poison.

According to Malibu bylaws, my neighbor is not permitted to have such a toilet, certainly not on a permanent basis.

When I bought my house, the possibility of this potential hazard was not disclosed to me. It is not just a nuisance – it is seriously affecting my family’s health and impairing my use and enjoyment of my property. Therefore, it seems to me that to protect future buyers of property in Malibu from the abuse that my family is going through, every Realtor should have to disclose the fact that any neighbor can place a chemical toilet near their property and keep it there forever without any interference from the city.

Cindy and Dave Emminger

3 thoughts on “Someone’s Pissed At Dylan”

  1. Why don’t they just go knock knock knockin on Bob’s door and tell him to get rid of his bloody toilet that he doesn’t use and that’s apparently killing them. And if Bob says no then whatever, you had a conversation with Bob Dylan, be happy. I’d be glad to have the oppurtunity to smell his suage 24/7. Uhhh, actually, probably not.

  2. Gillis! Hi! I never figured out how to get a photo on the avatar for you, so I wasn’t able to help.
    You, know, I’ve talked to a few people about why Dylan would have a portable toilet on his property. There’s a few ideas. Outdoor concerts with his friends. A toilet for the landscapers so they don’t need to go into his house. A place to go when he’s going for a walk.
    But just for his neighbour, maybe he should burn incense in his toilet.

  3. I forgot about that. It’s no big deal. Thanks anyway.

    And yes, incents would be nice, but I doubt that it gets rid of the toxic gases that this guy is complaining about. Maybe he should make a bubble covering his house. Like bubble boy but for his entire property. I dont think the toxic gases will get to him if he does that.

    But those toxic gases seem to have gotten to Price. Too bad, but at least theres no Streit on the Isles’ blueline trying to slam pucks through Halaks chest.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *