Sex, Drugs, Paris Hilton, David Beckham, Britney, Lindsay, Posh, and the Montreal Canadiens

They say the best way for a blog to be read by many is to insert lots of words that people seem to read about. So here goes. PARIS HILTON probably won’t be at the Montreal-Boston game tonight because she’s probably busy having SEX. She’ll probably be having SEX during every game the Habs play this year, and sadly, she’ll be missing a lot. Chances of her having SEX with DAVID BECKHAM are slim, though, but you never know, with his wife POSH SPICE being away on tour right now with the SPICE GIRLS.  However, speaking of the Habs, they’re playing like they’re all on DRUGS right now and it’s enough to make me start taking said DRUGS. It’s ridiculous how much of a slump they’re in. Cripes, I think PARIS HILTON and POSH SPICE or any of the SPICE GIRLS, or probably even LINDSAY LOHAN and BRITNEY SPEARS, could play for the team now. They don’t need DAVID BECKHAM, however, because he’s only a soccer player and would get carried off the ice on a stretcher whether he was really hurt or not. I wonder if he gets carried off on a stretcher after having SEX with POSH.

The things POSH, PARIS, and the rest think about when they’re not out clubbing is this: Should the Montreal Canadiens part ways with underachieving players like Michael Ryder, Steve Begin, and – Lord forgive me for this – Saku Koivu, who does way better raising money for hospital equipment and capturing the hearts of people because of his personal battles than he does putting the puck in the net.  Montreal has fallen a long way over the past decade and a half, and once again, they’re in the midst of a season where they start well,  slump badly in December, then scramble for the rest of the year and either make or not make the playoffs. Every year now, it seems, the same old song is played.

And one other thing for POSH, PARIS, and SEX kittens like BRITNEY and LINDSAY to ponder: When should Bob Gainey, who I trust and admire, start thinking seriously about firing coach Guy Carbonneau. In a perfect world, one where I win the lottery, my kids visit me, and I play God of Hockey, Scotty Bowman comes back, and the team signs Vincent Lacavelier. 

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