Pssst. I’m Buying The Habs. Keep It Under Your Hat

Because so many of you clicked on the ads on the side of this site, plus me getting in quite a bit of overtime lately at work, I now have enough money, 400 million, to buy the Montreal Canadiens from George Gillett. This of course will include the Bell Centre, where I will be living, so on those cold, winter nights, I won’t have to go out of the house to take in a game.

I’ll be buying the team to fullfill a couple of dreams. I want to hire the right people to build a team and win the Stanley Cup next year. I want to be stick boy. And I want to be the guy who makes sure the players’ wives are comfortable while visiting the Kane Centre.

Until the sale is finalized, I won’t be announcing coaches and staff. But lets just say I’m pretty tight with Mike Babcock, Roberto Luongo, Scotty Bowman, Ken Dryden, Wayne Gretzky, Nik Lidstrom, and Vinny Lecavalier. And Alex Ovechkin owes me a couple of favours.

So just let me get all the neccessary paperwork done, and we’ll get on with it. But don’t tell anybody. I don’t want this to get out.

8 thoughts on “Pssst. I’m Buying The Habs. Keep It Under Your Hat”

  1. …and you get to skate around the rink as a flagboy, finally!

    I’m working on a slightly different task. I have been collecting every Canadiens centennial loonie, and when I have them ALL, I’m going to buy the Maple Leafs, and move them to Siberia, Antartica or Uranus – whichever is colder.

  2. The coldest place in the world most be the NHL boardroom where Gary and the boys sit around and talk about Jim Balsillie.

  3. I’ll join your club if you’re the owner Dennis…..sounds really good on a day when I’m feeling quite down……………..I’ll settle tho’ for the mother-in-law position of one of those freakin’ spunky young Blackhawks. I’d probably go as far as welcoming another Patrick into this Family!!!! I’m thinkin’ this kid is a long lost relative of yours…… or is this something you were wishing would never come up???? Whatever the case DK–I’m glad to hear you’ve been able to make that kind of coin.

  4. Yes Tom, you will be GM. I promised it to you and I’m keeping my word. You won’t have to speak French, you’re only obligated to throw in the odd tabernac every so often. But you have to win the Cup. That’s the stipulation. And I’d like you and the coach to wear fedoras.

  5. Canucks fans aren’t allowed to work for the Habs, Jan. That’s just the way it is. You’d probably send our strategy to them. And yes, that little Kane kind of did you in. But it was a good year for the Canucks and they’ve got lots of good young guys, and they should be almost as good as the Habs next year.

  6. Sweet. I’ve always imagined a Habs press conference where the new GM doesn’t speak French, and when asked about it, asks the reporters, “would you rather I speak French, or win a Stanley Cup?”. That will be my answer too.

    First step on the agenda, finding a new team doctor so our guys stop getting injured all the time.

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