Nothing Wrong With Enjoying Climax

The places are real. The story? Not so much. This is a somewhat condensed and slightly altered version of a column I wrote in the Powell River Peak in 2001.

You can blame Jonathan Toews’ lake and Danno’s boss for this.

“There was a time when he could barely afford cornflakes in Cereal, Alberta, but it wasn’t always like that. He had, for instance, been given a hero’s welcome all those years ago in Welcome, Ontario.

And he wasn’t always poor. Coins shot out like water from a faucet, and with eyes bukging, he scooped up the falling silver. Suddenly, he loved Bonanza, Alberta. But good fortune wasn’t always on his side. He had been dead broke, roaming the streets of Cheapside, Ontario, where bad luck was his constant companion. He had even donned a face mask once in Balaclava, Ontario, but of course he was busted.

When he finally got out of the joint, he tried to liven things up in Lively, Ontario but couldn’t. He’d even considered Indian religion in Mystic, Quebec but he was too bad to be mystical.

So he hit the road.

There were nights when he drank too many beers in Beersville, New Brunswick. He’d gone by chance to Come-By-Chance, Newfoundland, and relived happy adventures in Happy Adventure, Newfoundland. He lost his shirt in Dropmore, Manitoba and raised eyebrows in Eyebrow, Saskatchewan when he ran naked through the streets after a gin-soaked evening in a local bar. He remembers thinking, “What was I thinking?”

It seemed like heaven as he stirred up memories of his time in Harmony, Nova Scotia and Newbliss, Ontario. Of course, there was the money he made in Success, Saskatchewan, enough to buy two buildings, albeit small buildings, in Two Sheds, Nova Scotia. He had bounced back after being laid off in Lower Economy, Nova Scotia, and had fully recovered from his mid-blowing acid trip in Moonbeam, Ontario.

But life had become better, because he had found something he’d never known before – in Love, Saskatchewan, just before he ventured on to Climax.

His road adventures had always seen his share of highs and lows. Dixville, Quebec turned him off, and Dildo, Newfoundland, home of Danno’s boss, was even worse than South Dildo. So he zoomed off and it was a blur until he finally returned to the Rock and settled peacefully in Heart’s Content, a small town just down the road from Heart’s Delight and a stone’s throw from Heart’s Desire.

He was happy but still missed and longed for those hazy, crazy, romantic-soaked days he had once known. Oh, how he missed those times he was in Wet Royalty, PEI.”

16 thoughts on “Nothing Wrong With Enjoying Climax”

  1. Dennis, you might have to change the name of your site to: “butt naked hockey” for the day.

    Thanks for making me smile.

  2. I’d probably say, yes Bill, it’s an adult blog. I also figured if it was about Gainey and Gauthier you wouldn’t like it. You’re really going to have to lighten up, I’m getting very tired of this song and dance.

  3. and this comment was NOT mine

    c/p

    habs241
    1 day ago
    bergeron as bad as he is defensively was the trigger man on the PP last season , now they’ll rely on subban a rookie , price crumbles under pressure, but worse is the fact he’s not even signed yet and halak was traded, great GM’s make these kind of moves LOL, hopefully he signs elsewhere and Molson cleans house

  4. Bill, you’re not getting it. A good criticism of management is absolutely fine. I encourage things like that. But you can’t stop. You’re obsessed. Is it not possible for you to please lighten up and talk about something other than how much you dislike management? You’re on the edge, my friend. You can see I’m not happy with the negativity here. You made fine points a week ago and all you’re doing is re-hashing what a terrible job they’re doing in Montreal. I agree with much of what you say. Absolutely. But I’ve asked to to stop carrying on with it, you’ve made your points ten times over, but you can’t. You understand what’s going to happen here.

  5. Dennis, you need to manage your next holiday so that you visit a place called Gauthier Ontario. There’s also the tranquil and serene Gainey Lake, near Sudbury. But be aware both places are similarly quiet and somewhat remote.

    Take ownership of your well-deserved time off and scale the heights of Mount Molson in BC. Or, at the other end of the map, you can float your boat on Lac Gillet in Quebec.

    Looking for the presidential treatment? The folks at Parc Boivin conservation area near Drummondville Quebec are very hospitable.

    For a more affordable holiday with lots of potential, your goal should be to carry on and visit the town of Price Quebec. And you must also stop in to the city of Dryden Ontario, because nothing ever gets by Dryden. And by Georges, make sure you take in the sights of Lake Vezina near Sudbury, where legendary trophy fish have been caught.

    Next, take a drive to the village of Richard Saskatchewan and you’ll be sure to have a riot. Or drop a line in the fast-flowing current of the Cournoyer River in Quebec. Mount Beliveau in the Yukon is tall and majestic. It’s a classy choice to make as the centre of your sightseeing.

    I would then coach you to see the Village of Martinville Quebec, or perhaps the village of Bowman also in Quebec, and finally to someday stick your toe in Blake Lake Newfoundland.

    ———————————————————————————-

    These, and other Canadien place names can be found here:

    http://geonames.nrcan.gc.ca/search/search_e.php

    Try and type in your favourite player’s name and you might find a lake, mountain, village or town named after them too…

  6. Yes Dennis and Danno there are some interesting towns back east. I remember Nanticoke, Ont. where you can stand on the point of a great lake and fish. By the way, it’s called Nanticoke but everyone drinks Pepsi! Maybe you should check out Goderich, Ont. where you can ride around in circles in the ” Hub ” of the city. You’d think you were in Paris.
    Hey…here’s a fantastic rescue story that should be on the national news. A friend invited me for a coffee on a rainy day last week. We drove by the shop but it was closed. He began to pull away until I suddenly noticed something in the side mirror of his truck. There on the steps was a Habs hat getting drenched. I screamed ” STOP ! ” and checked it out. The poor thing was soaking wet and underneath it was a large piece of paper in plastic with the word FREE on it. I just couldn’t leave it there on its own so I picked it up, dried it out and gave it a home. Thankfully, I found it before the crows did. Had I left it there, I’d be having nightmares forever. Now, I can wear it with pride and I feel like a hero.

  7. I’ve always been partial to Head-Bashed-In Buffalo Jump, Alberta but don’t want to visit until my time is up.

  8. Chris, I used to drive my semi down in that area delivering to stores around Pincher Creek and the Crowsnest pass. It can get real windy, and winters can be brutal.

  9. Bill, I’m 16.

    And lighten the hell up, geez. You’re putting a damper to a rather light hearted site.

    go to Habsinsideout.com if you want to stir some trouble.

  10. Phil, he’s been booted off this site. Blocked. You’re absolutely right – he put a damper on our little site.

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