No More Lockouts. Just Move The League

Bank of Canada governor Mark Carney has been given the big job across the pond of Bank of England governor, and Blue Bayou (Donal) in London wants to know which team the guy cheers for. BB also thinks the NHL (20 teams) should move to England and play for the Cup there instead. Here’s his letter:

Dennis,

I am writing to you in a state of high agitation.

I have just read that the next Governor of The Bank Of England is to be a Canadian. Yes a Canadian, you heard it right. The country that built the world, is the cradle of civilization and has more wankers, sorry I mean bankers per square foot than any other part of the world is unable to supply its own Governor and is giving the keys to the money box to a Canadian.

On the plus side Mark Carney appears to have played back up goalie for the Harvard Crimson or some such, so it’s safe to say he’s a hockey man.

But Dennis, who does he support? He appears to come from Fort Smith which is out where the buses don’t turn, but is near Alberta. Is he an Oilers man? Get on the case Dennis. Because if he’s a Leafs man by any crazy chance I’m getting down to Parliament and there’ll be a ruck over this. And going to Harvard? I’ve been there once. It’s close to Boston. But there’s no way is there?

Subject to him being sensible in who he supports I’m prepared to give him a chance. But it’s important that he doesn’t get too bogged down in financial detail, quantitative easing and all that. If we’re going to give Canadians our key jobs then we need something back from them.

He has to set about getting a proper Elite League going here. Not the one we have now but a really, really big one, so we can basically offer the NHPLA a lock stock and barrel move to Blighty. 20 teams spread around the country. Money no object. After all, he just has to tell the Royal Mint to print more pound notes.

I’ll talk to Molson. There isn’t a London team and won’t be. That slot is reserved for the Canadiens, who will still be the Montreal Canadiens. We’ll rename a part of London, Montreal just so it all fits together. Subsidized travel funded by the B of E for Habs fans, with free hotels etc. and beer money for the trip.

The new Leafs and Bruins can go and dwell up North somewhere cold and dismal.

It’s tough on you guys I know. But you had your chance. You let all that expansion nonsense go on and you’ve had too many lockouts. Time to bury the NHL and let the English have a go. The Bank of England League. Playing for the Lord Stanley Cup. Has a proper ring to it I think you’ll agree.

Cheers for now

Donal

4 thoughts on “No More Lockouts. Just Move The League”

  1. That is an absolutely splendid idea BB. The Montreal Canadiens in foggy ole London, right there with Big Ben’s cock,,, er….ahhh…. clock. A very classy scheme. I can’t wait to see where the Leafs and Bruins will reside. A few questions, if you will….. Will the game be called Ice Hockey? The NIHL? If so, how will that affect the Hab’s logo? What two languages will the Hab’s coach be required to speak? Mere technicalities I know, but all in all, very exciting.

  2. Dear All,

    So many questions, so few answers but let me try. But first, it is of course the NHLPA so apologies for that typo.

    As Hobo points out, over here they have the mistaken idea that whacking a ball around on grass with sticks is called hockey. But the proper game is called hurling and is played by the stout sons of Erin. So I don’t think we need have any truck with using the term “ice hockey”. If the Governor of the Bank of England calls it Hockey, then that’s good enough. Anyone not happy with that will have their currency removed. So BEHL it should be.

    The language question is a good one. All teams with the exception of Montreal will have to speak English and the local regional dialect. So god help the team that gets Newcastle. Any team in Wales will have to speak Welsh.

    Montreal and their coach will will speak French and Cockney. They can also speak English if they want. The thought of a major sports team playing out of London but speaking French as their first language will give a lot of the English a conniption. This will be most amusing.

    The English struggle with learning foreign languages so this will be a major aid to educational development.

    If there’s too much fuss then I will site the team in Paris as it’s only a couple of hours on the train from London these days.

    As to the renaming and hill business, I will have to give this more consideration. The best solution is to offer the people of Habsdom a few choices with a free to enter phone vote which will only cost a fiver (thats about 8 of your Canadian whatsits) a minute from your mobile.

    I’m pleased to see this idea is getting some heat under it. There will of course be some initial marketing outlay and up front costs. Any of you who are looking for a high grade investment opportunity can send large cheques, wads of cash, jewellery and precious family heirlooms to myself in the first instance.

    Dennis has my address and is adept and organizing the shipping of container loads of stuff to London.

    A bientot mes braves

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