New News In The NHL. And I Don’t Even Mention Mats Sundin!

Marc Crawford Joins Hockey Night In Canada


Marc Crawford is joining the Hockey Night In Canada crew as a between-period analyst. This comes just after the announcement of Mike Milbury joining the show and doing the same job. Both former players and coaches are expected to give important tips about what conditioners to use, how to detangle, and how to apply lemon juice for natural highlights. 


Scotty Bowman Leaves Red Wings For Blackhawks


Scotty Bowman is leaving the security of his job in Detroit for a new one in Chicago. A Detroit spokesman said the team was sad to see him go, and that he had done a great job with the Wings. When asked what Scotty had actually done for the Wings, the spokesman replied that Scotty had done, uh, well, uh…”he sat in the owner’s box and offered advice about, uh, well …..he told us to play Nick Lidstrom quite a bit and he also told us to play Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk quite a bit also, and we really appreciated that.”


Patrick Roy’s Son Faces Assault Charge


Patrick Roy’s 19 year old son Jonathan will appear in court in September to face assault charges stemming from the on-ice incident where the goalie skated the length of the ice and pummelled the other goalie after it appeared that coach Patrick had waved his hands to motion his kid to do this. It’s expected that Patrick will be in the courtroom on this day, and so the judge, obviously worried for his own safety, has ordered that Patrick sit on his hands during the proceeding. Jonathan has also been warned to refrain from giving the finger to the judge, police officers, defence counsel, prosecution, clerk, reporters, and friends and family of both his and the other goalie, Bobby Nadeau. Speculation is that young Jonathan will also be ordered to sit on his hands.


Senators Re-sign Antoine Vermette


Antoine Vermette has agreed to continue playing for the Ottawa Senators after interest was shown for him by the Vancouver Canucks. This normally wouldn’t be a big news item, but the Canucks had strongly felt that with Vermette in the lineup, it would’ve made the team a legitimate Cup contender. As soon as the Canucks’ statement regarding being a contender was made, the hit series Last Comic Standing was quickly cancelled. “None of our comics could compete with such a hilarious line as that,” a Comic spokesman said. 

6 thoughts on “New News In The NHL. And I Don’t Even Mention Mats Sundin!”

  1. DK,

    I dunno, DK. All this talk about conditioners, detangling, lemon juice & highlights … woulda thought this kinda stuff was up la P’s alley … maybe Mike is bang on when he sez you play with your dolls every night …..?

    Cherry. Mad Mike. Marc `da Capo’ Crawford. Hmm, Hockey Night or Gong Show Revisited Night In Canada?

  2. Habber, I knew something like that would come from you. From now on I’ll try to concentrate on logger sports and eating beer glasses.

  3. DK,

    Just keepin’ it real, my man. Tellin’ it like it? is? `mike’ (hehe) be? sorta could maybe is?

    DK, you seem `piqued’. Perhaps you ( et le beau Gaston) are overdue for a visit to `Chez Edgar’. Perhaps a pedicure & an oil bath for `le beau Gaston’ will help you become more, as la P sez, `pretty’?

  4. Never had a pedicure and an oil bath. Maybe you could fill me in. And you can also explain to me what a pedicure is.

  5. DK,

    Shame! To be so blatantly disingenuous. Does your wife know? Does this explain `le snubbing de Lawrence’? What will la P think? I suspect Mike knows and now I do. Poor Gaston, locked up in the closet, forced to endure the fall-out from `that-which-cannot-be-named.’

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