My Brief Affair With Her Finger

Being that this is basically a Habs/hockey blog, I’ll first mention that my doctor showed up at the ferry terminal last year with a van full of teenage girls on their way to a soccer tournament. When he saw me he yelled, “Hit it girls,” and in unison they screamed “Go Habs Go!”

I laughed heartily, but maybe you had to be there.

I was in last week for a physical and he first told me that I’m the picture of health, my cholesterol level is excellent, and I should live to be a hundred if I lose a couple of pounds.

Shockingly, which I can’t stress enough, an attractive female med student, about 25 years old and with a lovely smile, came into the room, put on a rubber glove, told me to get in the fetal postion, AND SHE GAVE ME THE FREAKIN PROSTATE/FINGER THING.

Being that he was teaching her the craft, he said he was going to do it too and wanted me to tell him if there was any difference between the way she did it and him. So I got it twice in five minutes when once in a lifetime is plenty.

My doctor kept this silly grin on his face for the rest of the visit, which also included a check of other things while she watched.

I wonder if she still thinks about me when she hears love songs on the radio.

14 thoughts on “My Brief Affair With Her Finger”

  1. Dennis, I just want to say thanks because while this experience no doubt completely upset your day, the telling of the story of it totally made mine. If she’s half the woman she ought to be, she lies in bed at night dreaming of you and lamenting the fact that you are happily married.

  2. Dennis,

    Superb. Your story that is, not a gloved hand up the whatsit.

    Just what we need to get over the…..well you know.

    Being subjected to the ol’ prostate finger doesn’t leave a man with much dignity (I too have lived it).

    It’s like being Mike Milbury. Difference is you pull up your trousers and leave. He’s always Mike Milbury.

    If you think Vancouver has problems, look at what’s happening to Royal Ascot.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011/jun/17/ladies-day-fight-royal-ascot

    Bet they were Bruins

  3. Wow Blue Bayou. Royal Ascot. At first I thought it must be the Bruins but then I remembered that they’re not allowed at fancy events.
    I’ve refused to see any of the Bruins celebrations except I turned on my TV this morning before work and there was Chara with the Cup. Ruined my day.

  4. Hey Dennis,Well no need in saying that this is a hard thing for a man to discuss,apparently you dont which is a good thing.Tests such as these are important to guys,and girls in another way,and hope that this may encourage folks to go and have one.

  5. Derry, you’re right, it’s really important. A necessary evil. A young female med student doing it though, is a bit of a surprise.

  6. Hey Dennis,Yes this is true,I had one friend of mine tell me that he went to a female doctor for a prostate exam and she used two fingers,I had to question that.

  7. Oh man, that story made me laugh so hard!!! You shoulda told the doctor to leave the room tho…!

  8. That Ring OF Fire, when the finger went down the flames got higher & it’s burn burn burn That Ring Of Fire, That Ring Of Fire!
    Well DK I suppose thats what happens when you see a Doctor who just happens to be a Canucks fan! Been there bought the tee shirt.
    Cheers from the East!!!!

  9. OK so did you ask for ID to see if she was really a med student or does your doctor have a wild sense of humour?

  10. It would’ve been the best prank ever, Don. I’ll ask him. He’s got a great sense of humour and never once has he trashed the Habs.

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