Lord Have Mercy

This has nothing to do with hockey, but I’m traumatized and I think I need some serious drugs and booze to get me through the day.

You have to understand that people my age were tortured beyond belief at the dentist office when we were kids, so most of us, I think it’s safe to say, aren’t big fans of going to get our teeth worked on. In fact, I’d rather have a jackhammer pound my head and body into hardened cement than sit in a dentist’s chair.

At 7:30 this morning I was in the chair, with the dentist hitting the bridge with some sort of hammer to remove it from its glue so he could perform a root canal on the filed-down thing that used to be a tooth underneath the plastic one but was found to be decaying because the plastic one had come loose. My mouth was full of thread and screws and eventually they jammed in this metal thing to take x-rays and I gagged a whole lot and almost emptied out 24 hours of home cooking. The whole thing took an hour an a half. Fuck.

He’s not finished yet. I’m back in a month to get the rest of the root canal done and the permanent glue put on the plastic tooth so it’ll sit nice on top of the filed one. In the meantime, he told me to watch what I eat so I don’t screw up his work.


14 thoughts on “Lord Have Mercy”

  1. Dennis, please don’t share stories like that. I grimaced and actually shivered. I’ll join you for that beer as I need on for other reasons. Some good some bad.

  2. Dennis – have you ever seen Marathon Man with Dustin Hoffman? You must see it.

    I don’t mind Dentists at all which is funny because my mother is scared of them. I’d rather go to the dentist and get a problem fixed then put up with a toothache – those things can be murder. 🙁

  3. Darth, when I was a kid the drill the drill was absolute torture. Like your mouth wasn’t even frozen. I developed a real phobia and paranoia about dentists. I haven’t seen Marathon Man but I’ll watch for it.

  4. Yes Hobo, sadly, the silly tooth trick is long gone. But it was an excellent trick while it lasted.

  5. you would be best advised to resurrect the silly tooth trick for when marc finally, brings you in as stick boy and keeper of wives comfort. it is bound to distract the opposition as they skate by…. kind of like a secret weapon, and the wives will find it adorable.

  6. Hobo, that’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time. And I agree, the wives will find it adorable, which is the best part. The silly tooth trick, for those who don’t know, involved me using my false tooth as a cash register when I was a teenager. Maybe you had to be there….

  7. I, too, have a visit coming to the Maple Leafs of the mouth…

    In that spirit, hmm.. I suddenly would much rather see Gomez in the AHL than taking the money and run. Anyone else? Poll question…

  8. Mike, I would rather see him buried in the minors. He doesn’t deserve money for nothing.

  9. I’m with you Dennis. Bury Gomez, in the minors, six feet under, anywhere. I don’t even think it’s worth it to buy him out. He’ll still take up over $3.5M of our cap space which we can’t afford, especially next year and then we’ll be stuck with him on the books for an additional two years. All that to save a couple million bucks which Molson will easily make up in beer sales from the first playoff game.

    Hope the mouth is feeling better. Gargle with DKRFSB, it will do wonders for the tooth.

  10. Chris, if I gargle with DKRFSB, my tooth will dissolve and I’ll have to start from scratch. I did learn, however, that my beer is good for removing paint from cars at autobody shops.

  11. Hey Chris,

    Even though our team sucks right now, Habs fans are still a happy family… at least with each other!

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