What’s the opposite of someone who’s good in math?
I was fine in grade school – adding and subtracting and multiplying like crazy when I wasn’t dropping pencils on the floor so I could look up girls’ skirts. But in high school it was different. All those ridiculous fractions and letters and things squared. People who measure the distance to Pluto might need this. Einstein needed it. But why would a bum like me need to understand the theory of relativity or calculate how long it would take me to fly through space?
I’m going to come right out and say it; my algebra marks hovered somewhere around 12 out of a hundred. All the time. I’m the biggest algebra failure in the history of the world.
I feel bad about this and have decided to exercise my head using numbers. I think it’s important.
Montreal takes on the Leafs on opening night in less than 3,300,000 seconds; the night Leafs’ lug Mike Komisarek begins a season of passing pucks up the middle that become intercepted. Although this is changing by the….second.
In just under 6 million seconds, Gregory Stewart hammers Milan Lucic for the first time.
Around 9 million seconds, Sean Avery will have turtled for the first time when Montreal hosts the Rangers.
In approximately 16 million seconds, Scott Gomez, Mike Cammellari and Brian Gionta will all have passed the 30 goal mark.
Somewhere around 19 million seconds, the Habs will have secured a playoff spot and Carey Price will be awarded a standing ovation.
In 24 million seconds and counting, Montreal will have just won their 25th Stanley Cup.
And in less than 3600 seconds, I’m going to the pub.