What’s the opposite of someone who’s good in math?

Me.

I was fine in grade school – adding and subtracting and multiplying like crazy when I wasn’t dropping pencils on the floor so I could look up girls’ skirts. But in high school it was different. All those ridiculous fractions and letters and things squared. People who measure the distance to Pluto might need this. Einstein needed it. But why would a bum like me need to understand the theory of relativity or calculate how long it would take me to fly through space?

I’m going to come right out and say it; my algebra marks hovered somewhere around 12 out of a hundred. All the time. I’m the biggest algebra failure in the history of the world.

I feel bad about this and have decided to exercise my head using numbers. I think it’s important.

Montreal takes on the Leafs on opening night in less than 3,300,000 seconds; the night Leafs’ lug Mike Komisarek begins a season of passing pucks up the middle that become intercepted. Although this is changing by the….second.

In just under 6 million seconds, Gregory Stewart hammers Milan Lucic for the first time.

Around 9 million seconds, Sean Avery will have turtled for the first time when Montreal hosts the Rangers.

In approximately 16 million seconds, Scott Gomez, Mike Cammellari and Brian Gionta will all have passed the 30 goal mark.

Somewhere around 19 million seconds, the Habs will have secured a playoff spot and Carey Price will be awarded a standing ovation.

In 24 million seconds and counting, Montreal will have just won their 25th Stanley Cup.

And in less than 3600 seconds, I’m going to the pub.

In how many seconds to you wake up from this fantasy?

Hey Dennis;I wont be second guessing anything you print,from now on the second i read your input Iwill take a second to understand what it is your relaying my way,hopefully it isn’t second hand info

I sort of understand what you said, I think. I’m still reading it and working on it. Hmmm. Hmmm. Say that again?

Here’s one for you Dennis.

The mother is 21 years older than her child and in 6 years

the child will be 5 times younger than the mother.

Question:

Where is the father?

Solution:

Today the child is X years old and the mother is Y

years old and we know that the mother is 21 years older

than the child:

X+21=Y

We also know that in 6 years the child will be 5

years younger than the mother:

5(X+6)=Y+6

Replace Y with the value from the first equation:

5(X+6)=X+21+6

5X+30=X+27

5X-X=27-30

4X=-3

X= -3/4

So then today the child is -3/4 of one year which

is -9 months old.

From a mathematical point of view we can confirm

and prove that the mother is getting pregnant right now.

Result:

The father is on top of the mother.

A picture is worth a 1000 words. Add some to the answer and kids will work a lot harder at getting there.

True numbers, Dennis. True numbers.

I believe. (Especially the pub part).

Christopher, my grade nine math teacher was so rapid fire he lost me the first day of the year and I hever recovered.

There’s nothing like a good math workout, Moey.

Yep Phil, it’s all going to come to pass. A little birdie told me.

That’s the kind of quiz that ruined my education.

Ah Dennis, you just know when it’s your turn at the Pearly Gates the doors will be unlocked IF you can correctly answer this Algebra question……….

Diane, if I have to answer algebra questions to get in to heaven, then I’m surely going to hell. What about you?

Whichever location has cold beer and hockey games gets me…..oh, yes, and I’ll spend eternity handing out towels in the shower to NHL Players in their prime.

I’m there for the cold beer and hockey, but I think I’ll mosey over to visit Sophia Loren while you’re doing the shower thing.

Cheers!

Math has the rare property where once the brain reaches its full point any attempt to add more information make you forget stuff you used to understand.

But if math included a picture to Beatnik’s result, it could get squeezed in under a different category.

Math and public speaking are my downfalls. Well, those and several dozen other things.

I’m counting the seconds….