Gaston Shows Up And Ruins My Day

I wasn’t expecting to see who I saw when the doorbell rung. It was the little shithead Gaston, who hadn’t been part of my life since last summer when he passed out at TC’s bar and grill after chugging my beer and eating my nachos when I went to the bathroom. (see ‘Gaston’ in categories.)

“You’ve been missed,” I said. “Not by me, of course, but by Jim and Mike and Jordy and others. Where’s Gaston? they would ask. And franky, I couldn’t care less where you were.”

“I was in Las Vegas,” replied the little bugger. “And I’ve brought back pictures. Where’s your beer?”

So here’s some photos of Gaston’s trip to Vegas. No wonder I’m losing my hair.

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4 thoughts on “Gaston Shows Up And Ruins My Day”

  1. hahaha looks like Gaston is stopping in at all the right places in Vegas. What a perverted wooden brain he has.

  2. Yeah, well, Launy “The” Schwartz if you look closely at Gaston’s smile you’ll note that it is crooked and less than happy. Also, sad eyes. Big sad eyes. And no wonder. DK is less than kind to Gaston. He locks him in a little box and keeps him in the trunk of his car; he shakes him, cuffs him, drop kicks him (trying to score in the garbage bins); he yells at him, blames him for every Hab loss, call’s him nothing but a no-good clickety-clackety mish-mash of irregular (yet another cruel jibe as Gaston has one leg shorter than the other, his neck is obviously stretched (DK `jokes’ that maybe one day he’ll guillotine Gaston and glue his head to a body in a Leaf uniform) and his head clearly ressembles a wheel of triple-cream camembert) sticks and blocks of cheap poplar; he won’t share his beer with him, never laughs at his jokes, and gets wildly jealous whenever the ladies make a fuss over Gaston as, of course, they always do; he has even threatened to trade him to that most notorious of Leaf fans, Lord Dark Helmet (a fate worse than being turned into kindling), for nothing less than Punch Imlach’s infamous `bird-shat fedora’ which DK longs to piss on (personally, I think DK has a weird fetish thing going on there); he regularly brandishes a sharpened axe (stolen from his wife so she takes the rap if he does go postal on Gaston) and threatens to turn him into `les touts p’tits morceaux de bois’ (as he did to his beloved Nuncle); yes, “The” it’s a litany of abuse that has only lately been somewhat alleviated by the timely intervention of The Friends Of Gaston Society who have banded together to protect Gaston from DK’s more egregious assaults. So, “The’, the next time you think Gaston is `too funny’ remember you are being co-opted by DK and you become a party to his heinous acts. Is this what you want? To be a puppet to be jerked around by DK at his whim? Is “The” Schwartz nothing more than a secret minion of President Skroob posing as a `nice guy’ a la DK in order to trick trusting people (into doing all sorts of bad things they wouldn’t normally do) and therefore further his wicked designs on unsuspecting and naive hockey fans? So, what is it, “The”? Have you gone over? Have you `sold out’? Is Gaston nothing more than a piece of merchandise to you or now that you know the truth are you ready to step up and do the right thing, to condemn DK for his outrageous treatment of Gaston? Yes, “The”, what’s in your `fortune cookies’?

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