Dandy Opening Ceremonies

The opening ceremonies have wrapped up in London without rain and other more serious party-poopers we don’t need to talk about, and it was a dazzling extravaganza indeed. So much to see and absorb. I just think it would have been even better if Ozzy Osbourne had shown up and faked biting the head off a peace dove.

From Shakespeare through the Industrial Revolution, to Mary Poppins, Peter Pan and teen love and texting. From Mr. Bean being silly with the London Symphony Orchestra to James Bond (Daniel Craig) making his way to the Palace to take Queen Elizabeth parachuting (sort of) from a helicopter. With the whole massive spectacle wrapping up with Paul McCartney warbling Hey Jude.

Paul McCartney still has as much hair as he did in 1964.

The British should be proud. It was terrific. Forget the fact that it’s only going to cost a hundred thousand gazillion dollars. Just borrow it from Simon Cowell.

Maybe I’m just a sentimental fool, but I felt warm and fuzzy many times during this marathon. When the Irish strolled out, dressed in green and looking every inch the happy, crazy souls they can be. When small countries I’ve never heard of, boasting just a couple of lonely but proud athletes, came marching out, joining those having females participating for the first time (Brunei, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia).

And the Canadians, looking terrific as usual in their red and white. Almost as terrific as the female athletes, from, was it Belgium?, who wore slightly low-cut numbers.

And I could’ve sworn I saw Maria Sharapova, the gorgeous Russian flag-bearer, mouth the words “Dennis, I want you” as she led her contingent onto the field.

It was also said that the International Olympic Committee (I.O.C) have come up with 150,000 condoms for participants, most of which will probably be used by performers Arctic Monkeys and the guys from McCartney’s band. And the Irish of course.

Way to go, British folks, you gave us a big-time show. Now the running, jumping, and condom-using begins.

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