Chris Neil’s A Sissy
There was so much talk in the past days about a possible Habs-Leafs playoff matchup, that it almost seems weird that somehow the Ottawa Senators arrived on the scene and just like that, the Montreal-Toronto opening round idea came to a screeching halt.
So it’s the Senators and I don’t know what to think about this. I thought at some point in the season their injuries were going to catch up with them, but they somehow won a bunch of games and made the playoffs and they should be proud of this accomplishment.
I just hope they’re not going to get carried away and say they can beat the Canadiens. That’s just crazy talk.
And if it’s not going to be Toronto, we need a new villain. We won’t have Nazem Kadri or Colton Orr to get mad at, so the natural alternative must be Chris Neil. He did manage to lead his team with 144 penalty minutes after all. The next guy after him was Zack Smith, with just 56 minutes.
Matt Kassian had 47 penalty minutes in just 15 games, and he could be a villain too, but for now I’m going with Neil. He’s tried and true.
Neil looks a bit like a linebacker. Kind of like Biff in Back to the Future. Sort of like a small-time hood. Maybe one of Al Capone’s hitmen. The guy who spent six years in grade ten. Stuffed skinny guys in their lockers. Was possibly a small-town bank robber. He cries during chick flicks. Big Moose in the Archie comics.
I’m sure there’s more. I’ve just reached my quota for one night.
The Canadiens and Senators don’t begin until Thursday, which a long way away. They condense the regular season like crazy and then we wait four days for things to start. And how am I going to think up Chris Neil insults for that many days?
Here’s the full opening round schedule. Another good series, the Leafs and Bruins, kicks off on Wednesday. All teams playoff schedules