Category Archives: Montreal Canadiens

The Biggest Question In The History Of The World

The question is this: Why do so many people, through so many generations, hate the Habs? It seems like more than any other team, probably even Toronto, Montreal is despised by way too many hockey fans from coast to coast. Except, of course, if you love them. And there’s lots of those. So I’ve been thinking about it.

The most common thing, Habs-haters whine, is the smugness of their fans. That look on Montreal fans’ faces really gets to people. I’ve been hearing this argument all my life, and frankly, I don’t get it. Has anyone ever paid attention to the smugness surrounding Canucks’ fans? Or Senators’ fans? I’ll bet the smugness enveloped all of Edmonton in the 1980’s. Calgary fans get really sickenly smug when their team’s winning. The bottom line is this. If we were smug in the ’50’s, ’60’s, and ’70’s, it’s because our team was better than yours. And anyway, I always made a real effort to be anti-smug around others. Also, why would we be smug nowadays? We’re not. We’re mad and disappointed that our team isn’t doing better. So get over it and grow up.

The generation of Habs haters today probably got it from their fathers. And their fathers got it from their fathers. All because our team beat their team on a regular basis. So today’s haters aren’t even unique. They’re just mindless robots programmed to think like their daddies. There’s lots of New York Yankees and Manchester United haters too. Could it be that people resent success? It’s very sad indeed.

The English-French thing. Everyone likes to talk about how shameful it is in the southern US when it comes to African-Americans, but get talking about “frogs” and they’re off and running for three hours. People associate the Montreal Canadiens with politics, separation, and maybe even the melting of the icecaps. You say they had the pick of the litter in Quebec for so many years and that’s why they had strong teams. So what? The Habs had Quebec sewn up for awhile, but the other teams had the rest of North America to choose from, and even a few french guys left over. Toronto basically had the same thing going in Ontario, with St. Michael’s College and Kirkland Lake, for example. So if you can’t draft properly from Ontario, the Maritimes, the prairies, the west coast, and the northern parts of the US, then you don’t deserve to win! What a sorry excuse for losing.

The Rocket won scoring titles because all the good players were overseas and he stayed? First, the Rocket wanted badly to join the army but was refused because of health reasons like broken bones etc. This is a known fact. Secondly, why didn’t others who played in the war years score like he did? Thirdly, he played 18 years in the league, starting in 1942 when the war was half over, and his first two years were write-offs because of injuries. He was a star among stars in the years afterwards, when everyone was playing.

Some of the finest battalions in the Canadian army were from Quebec, like the famous Van Doos. These people fought for us and I’m sure were great people. Maurice Richard loved Canada, all of Canada. Jean Beliveau and Guy Lafleur are staunch nationalists. and feel the same way as the Rocket did. Heck, I hear that the lotteries are rigged because so many from Quebec win. You need to grow up about this one.  You’ve never had a problem with Mario Lemieux, Vincent Lecavalier, Marcel Dionne, Gilbert Perreault, and all those other Quebecers who don’t or didn’t play for Montreal. So you’ve got selective thinking. Grow up and repeat after me – “I’m gonna quit being jealous. I’m gonna quit being jealous.”

The Thing Growing From My Deck

Some kind of other-worldly park bench is growing from my deck. Dogs and cats run away shrieking. It’s making me nervous. It just sits there, quiet, not moving, almost like it’s ready to strike at any moment. It has a number 9 on the back. What could that mean? Why is it here? What does it want? Will it hurt those dogs and cats? Stay tuned.

Let The Record Show

Let the record show that on this day, Friday, November 17, 2007, the Montreal Canadiens, while playing in Buffalo, SUCKED RAT DROPPINGS FROM A MOULDY RUG.

They lost 4-1 because Kovalev, Koivu, Higgins, Plecanec, and a dozen others played like they’d spent the night playing doctor with Buffalo Bills cheerleaders, overdosing on Buffalo wings, and chug-a-lugging Russian vodka that Kovalev’s mother shipped over.

Why do I even bother.

Me and the boys are almost like brothers: Fascinating Facts

Fascinating Fact #1.   I once phoned old Hall of Famer and ex-Hab Bert Olmstead (1948-1961) in Calgary just to talk about the old days with the Rocket and Stanley Cups etc. He hung up on me.

Fascinating Fact #2. I once sat in an old beer parlour in Ottawa and drank beer with ancient ex-Hab Aurel Joliet (1922-1938). I asked him what he thought about the Rocket and he poo pooed the question. He said his old buddy Howie Morenz (1923-1937) was way better, then his eyes got misty. He signed the cast on my arm and I drove him home.

Fascinating Fact #3. I met the Rocket (1942-1960) when he was refereeing an old-timers game in Calgary. I told him he’d sent me a Christmas card when I was about 8 years old. He said he didn’t remember. My sister took a picture of him, then the Rocket said he wanted a picture of him with my sister.

Fascinating Fact #4. My dad took me to a Montreal-Toronto game back in the 1950’s. Somehow he corralled coach Toe Blake in the lobby and asked him to take my hockey book into the dressing room and get Doug Harvey (1947-1969) to sign it. He did.

Fascinating Fact #4. When I had my restaurant, Frank Mahovlich (1956-1974) came in. He told me the Montreal organization was first class and way better than the Leaf organization. We fed him a spaghetti dinner. He didn’t pay for it. After that we called him Frank MaCheapovich.

Fascinating Fact #5. I once had breakfast with old Chicago and various other teams goalie Glenn Hall. (1952-1971.) He told me Gordie Howe (1946-1980) was better than the Rocket. Even so, I still paid for his breakfast.

Fascinating Fact #6. I once talked to the Habs Jim Roberts (1963-1978) when I was about 13 and at a game at the Old Forum (not the new Forum, which the Old became after it was renovated in 1969.) He was nice to me and I decided to start a Jim Roberts fan club. I didn’t because I decided it was too much work and he wasn’t a good enough player.

Fascinating Fact #7. My friend Leo Brosseau said old Hab goalie Bill Durnan (1944-1950) used to come in to his father’s bar in the Ottawa Valley in the early 1950’s. Leo said the guy was an asshole when he got drunk and kept getting thrown out.

When Things Get Going

Last year at this time, after 17 games, Montreal’s record was a blistering 10-4-3. And not only that, they went on to win the next five out of six games. I was worried management might neglect to plan the Stanley Cup parade down Ste. Catherines past the old Forum.

They carried on into December and by late in the month, their record was a quite lovely 22-9-5. Fans at the Bell Centre were singing that nauseous song far too often.  After that, though, with the help of three separate six game losing steaks, they ended up not making the playoffs.

This year, after 17 games, lo and behold, the team is 10-4-3, exactly the same as last year. Fans are singing that obnoxious song again. But will the team fall apart again? Nope. Because instead of David Aebisher in goal, there is Carey Price. As young as he is, he’s going to lead this team to the promised land. (The Forum ghosts, who I talk to, told me this.) And when this happens, the sky will open, the sun will shine, and Montreal fans who have stuck with the mediocrity for so long will wake from their slumber and smile, and Daniel  Briere will kick himself in the nuts and have nightmares for the rest of his life.