Category Archives: Montreal Canadiens

Brandy’s Habs-Leafs Lovers

You want romance? Hockey? Habs and Leafs on Saturday night?

This is the great Canadian artist Brandy Saturley’s recent creation, titled ‘Lovers in a Dangerous Time’, made prior to the last few months of our pain and misery.

Two lovers, two teams. With bags over their heads.

Habs and Leafs coming up. Get your beer and nuts ready, and your bricks to throw at the TV screen.

Go Habs. Kick the shit out of ’em.

LoversInADangerousTIme

Have a look at some of this award-winning, Victoria-based artist’s great stuff at her website The Art of Brandy Saturley . She’s a true Canadian gem.

Game Time Gourmet

Can and can opener

I think most people enjoy eating while watching games. Peanuts, popcorn, and crackerjacks at the ball game. Pig intestines at bull fights. Feral cats at Bruins games.

But what do you eat at home when the Habs are playing?

Today I offer a few select dishes from my personal recipe book to help you.

1. Take two slices of bread and gently insert cheese (any type) between them. Spread butter or margarine on the outside of bread and place in a hot pan. Brown one side and then the other. Make sure you flatten properly, using an iron or your palm, or even with a kitchen utensil if so desired. This fascinating dish, which is the hit of my dinner parties, is what I like to call Fromage de Grilled.

2. Carefully open a bun of approximately six inches long and place a cooked wiener inside. Add relish and/or mustard and top with fried onions. Do not overcook wiener as it will go limp, and we know that can’t be good. This wonderful entree, which I have perfected, is called Chien Chaud or Dog du Hot.

3. Gingerly open the top of a pasta package and pour into boiling water. Make sure water is salted but do not use ocean water. Stir occasionally until pasta is soft, then drain and add delectable cheese powder, a touch of milk, and a tiny bit of butter. This little treat, known as Dinner du Kraft, will soon have you taking Italian lessons and dreaming of riding in a gondola along the canals of Venice.

4. Place one or two slices of bread into the machine that gets hot when button is pushed down. In only a few short minutes, bread will pop up and is now toasted and ready for butter. After butter is applied, slowly spread peanut butter evenly over top, making sure no areas of toast are missed. This is known on the dinner party circuit as Peanut Butter sur Toast.’ And for those with even more imagination, simply add raspberry or strawberry jam to top of the peanut butter and press hard to mix well. This is called Peanut Butter sur Toast avec Jam.

5. At the top of the stove you will see dials. One of these dials will say ‘oven’ and it will have numbers on it. Turn dial to about 375 and insert dinner, which has been frozen to keep freshness in, into the lower area of the stove which will open up when pulled. Check periodically when there is a time-out in the action, and when it looks like the delicious mashed potatoes are bubbling, take dinner from stove, remove wrap from top, and dig in. This meal, which is great when you’re trying to impress, is fondly called Dinner de Frozen. Or, in the old days, the more popular name was Le Frozen Dinner de TV.

6. Make your way to a specialized utensils shop and pick up a progressive turning handle lid remover. Using lid remover, remove lid from the solid and convenient tin container which contains a smooth blend of pasta, herbs and spices, then empty contents into a pot and place on the type of stove mentioned in number 5. Stir frequently until delicacy is hot, and dig in. Mmm. This specialty dish, known as Ravioli de le Can, is a sure hit when your date comes over for the game and you want to get lucky afterward.

Here’s To You, Historic Habs

leo

I saw the Beatles at Maple Leaf Gardens in 1966, and Janis and Zappa in Atlantic City in ’69.

I saw Led Zeppelin in Vancouver in ’73, and Evel Knievel sail over 13 Mack trucks on his motorcycle at the CNE in ’74.

NOn my TV in Orillia I saw the Kennedy assassination in ’63, and Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon in ’69.

And from my couch in Powell River in 2016, I saw the Montreal Canadiens have their lousiest season in 75 years.

The historic Habs.

Something to tell my grandchildren.

And their fifth loss in a row (forget the overall loss tally) was against the Boston Bruins, with good old Brad Marchand scoring one of four Bruins goals as his team rolled over the hometown Habs 4-1.

It’s the Twilight Zone, baby.

It was last year when Marc Bergevin gave Michel Therrien a four year contract extension that kicked in this season, at $2 million per, and which takes him to 2019.

This was the report at the time;

Montreal re-signed Michel Therrien to a four-year contract extension Saturday, two weeks after the Canadiens were eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs.

“It really shows the stability that [general manager] Marc Bergevin and [owner] Geoff Molson want to establish with the Canadiens,” said Therrien on a conference call. “We’ve progressed a lot over the past two years and we want to continue to progress. It’s a sign of confidence.”

Continue to progress. Yes indeed.

Oh, you like Michel Therrien and argue that it’s not his fault this team is on the fast track into the depths of hell? Do you think getting Jonathan Drouin is the answer instead?

I don’t want my historic times tampered with. So lose boys. And then charge fans for your autograph on your days off.

Random Notes:

Canadiens outshot the Bruins 39-24, with their lone goal coming from d-man Mark Barberio. The sharpshooters are still on their extended lunch break.

Next up – Habs in Toronto on Saturday. Imagine.

It Doesn’t Matter

alfred

Canadiens lose 5-2 to a real team, the Chicago Blackhawks, and it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter how many goals they scored, or who the referees were, or what the announcers said or didn’t say. It doesn’t matter how they did on the power or how many shots they got overall, or who played what minutes.

It doesn’t matter that they’ve lost 17 of 22 games.

It doesn’t matter who was in goal, or who scored the two goals, or what mistakes were made, or if they looked good for a minute or two, or if they took bad penalties or not. And it doesn’t matter about the coach and GM and possible trades and making or not making the playoffs.

It doesn’t matter.

 

 

Another Night, Another….

keystone cops

The Canadiens dominated the St. Louis Blues and still lost, this time 4-3 in overtime, and we watch slightly stunned as the team that once led all teams gradually fades into oblivion.

It’s fine that they showed fire and were involved in several scrums and looked like they’re a truly fed up and pissed off group. And it’s fine that they outshot the Blues 49-22.

It’s not so fine that Mike Condon in the third period misplayed the puck behind the net and the Blues tied things up, just a few dozen seconds after Tomas Plekanec, who hadn’t scored since the invention of the turtleneck, finally found the back of the net.

And it’s not fine either that in overtime, Andrei Markov lost the puck and the Blues moved in on Condon and capitalized in gut-wrenching fashion.

The good ship Habs takes on even more water.

Random Notes:

It’s also not fine that they went 1/7 on the power play. Although it’s good that PK, with his third of the season, was the marksman with the man advantage.

The Canadiens’ 49 shots is a season-high, for what it’s worth.

They hold on to the final wild card spot by the skin of their teeth, with five teams breathing down their neck and ready to pounce.

Alexei Emelin crushed Paul Stastny with a clean, bone-rattling check that made my heart soar. I’ve missed the soaring heart, so thanks Alexei.

Max, with his 18th, gave his team a brief 2-1 lead in the second before the Blues tied it a minute later.

Sunday in Chicago.

 

 

 

 

John Scott A Hab?

john-scott-parros-201213

Above, a new Hab and an ex-Hab. Will the new one be as fantastic as the old one?

I come home and see this? Big John Scott traded to Montreal from Arizona for Jarred Tinordi, with a bunch of other names and Nashville involved, although these don’t matter.

Sam Pollock, looking down from above, sure must be impressed.

Finally, the team’s goal scoring problems have been addressed. Big John has notched 5 goals and 6 assists in his 285 games, which is awesome because we all know it’s hard to score in the NHL, and he did it 5 freakin’ times!

This is fantastic. Now we wait to see who will score first, John or Tomas Plekanec.

And 5 goals in 285 games is almost exactly what the Canadiens as a whole are doing.

Big John reminds me in many ways of Guy Lafleur, Rocket, and Jean Beliveau. He knows how to skate, sort of, and those three could skate too, albeit way better.

Beliveau was big, but John, standing 6’8″ and weighing 260 pounds, is bigger, so that’s good, right?

And he’s an all-star like them. Fan%$#&tastic! Forget about the difference between fans voting John in as a joke while Guy, Rocket, and Jean got there by merit. This is only a technicality. They all put on their all-star sweaters the same way.

I’m sure there are other similarities too. But right now, with the numbness in my brain, I can’t think of any.

Anyway, who needs a young, skilled, huge, rough d-man like Tinordi who was also a first round draft pick. When the opportunity to grab John Scott arises, you take it.

Beauty trade, Marc Bergevin.

I need a drink.

 

No Excuses, But That Goalie……

It's a Wonderful..

The Canadiens, in the second and third periods at least, were in it to win it.

Of course they lost, but that’s beside the point.

Montreal showed fire and pride on Thursday night against the talented Chicago Blackhawks, but it was Corey Crawford who saved the day for the visitors, and the good guys fall 2-1.

If it wasn’t for this Hawks goaltender, we’d be talking about a Habs team that was tired of losing and finally did something about it. But we can’t say that because of &%$# Crawford.

More and more I’m understanding Leafs fans.

Canadiens caught fire right around the time Alexei Emelin belted a couple of Hawks in clean, old time, rugged fashion, and it was like a girlfriend’s knuckle sandwich on the kisser as the boys woke up, revved up, moved the puck in deep, stormed the net, moved the puck around smartly, caused havoc, and came close often.

But the guy from Chateauguay was there to shut the door.

The Canadiens, on any other night, might have won handily, but they didn’t and the slide continues. And the bottom line is, once again, aside from Paul Byron on this night, no one can put the puck in the net.

Montreal’s solid play in the second and third should give us hope. But unfortunately, their next two games involve St. Louis and Chicago in their barns, so I suppose we shouldn’t let hope get too much out of hand.

Random Notes:

Canadiens outshot the visitors 40-33 (with one lousy friggin goal to show for it).

The power play was 0/1.

Alex Galchenyuk seemed fired up and skated miles, and how great it would’ve been to see the guy provide some heroics after getting punched out by his girlfriend and reamed out by his boss. But the storybook heroics weren’t to be.

The other guy from the Sherbrooke St. love-in, Devante Smith-Pelly, was a healthy scratch.

Next up – Saturday in St. Louis.

 

 

 

 

The Wives Could Use Me

Habs wives

I’ve found, through trial and error, that in moments of melancholy, a quart of tequila, some Four Aces sherry, and a gram of crystal meth mixed with a couple of black Kashmir hash brownies dipped in powdered quaaludes is what’s best.

And it’s times like this when I sit and look out the window and wonder.

I wonder how the players’ wives are doing.

Are they comfortable?

Are they feeling down?

I want them to know that I’m thinking of them, and if I can round up a big house somewhere, they’re all welcome to come over and we’ll light candles and listen to Miles Davis, and if they feel any discomfort anywhere, they can tell me and I’ll massage it.

Women love good listeners, and I can pretend to be one of the best. And if they want to model clothes they’ve brought over in case they decide to have a pajama party, I’ll watch and compliment and take close-up pictures, if that’s what they like.

If it’ll help them sleep better, I’ll go for a midnight swim with them. And yes, if they want to wrestle, I’ll do that too.

I want the wives to be comfortable during this difficult time.

It’s all about them.

 

 

Can’t Take Much More

The Canadiens fell 3-1 to the Pittsburgh Penguins on Saturday night at the Bell Centre and the dark journey down Mediocre Lane continues, even though they’d won their previous game against New Jersey.

My heart soars like the Hindenburg.

hindenburg

This was supposed to be the best Habs team in decades, with a decent shot at going deeper than usual in the playoffs. Folks were raving about them. Even the Toronto media mentioned them sometimes.

Now it’s a team that can’t score goals, the power play is ridiculously inept, and they can’t stay out of the penalty box. They’ve also lost 14 of their last 19 games, which is unbelievable. How can that be?

And if I wanted to carry on about this, which I don’t, I could mention passion, desire, will, work ethic, smarts, and anything else they currently lack that I could come up with.

Soon they could find themselves out of a playoff spot after being safe, sound, and smug atop the standings once upon a time, because everything was coming up roses in the beginning.

Fire the coach or pull off a blockbuster trade or feed them steroids or supply their wives with chastity belts. Whatever it takes.

Do something. My enthusiasm is waning.

Random Notes:

P.K. scored the lone Habs goal, his second of the season.

Mike Condon was terrific.

Montreal outshot the Pens 34-32.

Next up – Thursday, when the Hawks pay a visit.

Cole Palmer’s Cool Cartoons

Hockey artist Cole Palmer has sent over his latest creation, which deals with the dastardly Brad Marchand and his three-game suspension for his lowdown takeout of Ottawa’s Mark Borowiecki.

I don’t mind anyone taking out a Sen, but it’s Marchand we’re talking about here. And fittingly, his suspension kept him from playing in last week’s Winter Classic, where his teammates were kicked around in solid fashion by the Habs.

Mr. Palmer is a big time talent, there’s no denying, and you can see his other unique works at his website The Hockey Comic.com .

Cole Palmer