Office of the schedule maker. Good morning.
Hello, this is Mr. Bettman. I need to speak to the schedule maker.
Yes, schedule maker. We have a problem. I’m sure you’re aware that there’s a few good Canadian teams up there, especially the Montreal Canadiens, and I’m sure you’re aware of what that means. Can you imagine a Canadian team in the Cup finals, schedule maker? Do you understand what that would mean for American TV audiences? No one would watch. We can’t have this. It’s happened before and I’ve decided to put my foot down.
So what would you like me to do, boss?
See what you can do about giving Montreal at least a bunch of big spaces between games early in the season. Maybe it’ll affect their timing, make them rusty, maybe they’ll lose a bunch of games, fall behind in the standings and never catch up. You know, whatever you can do. It’s important.
Later on that summer…
Hello, Mr, Bettman? This is the schedule maker. How about this? I give them almost five days off in October when they’re in Florida on a Monday, and then don’t play Anaheim until the next Saturday! And then, sir, I think you’ll like this! I have them in Long Island in November on a Saturday, then don’t have them play in Columbus until the following Friday, even though the two places are only 400 kilometers apart and about an hour plane ride?
How do you like that?
Schedule maker, you’re a genius. That should take any wind out of those Montreal sails. It’s perfect, and I’ll make sure you have a job next year.
Thank you, Mr Bettman. And by the way, if you decide to move any more Canadian teams to a place like Acapulco or Rio, please think of me for a front office job? Thanks.
This is the other little ad I have. It also came from an old 1940’s newspaper and it’s good because it gives all the different prices.