Breaking News – Habs In Playoffs

I’m still speechless after learning that the Ottawa Senators have had to forfeit their eighth-place finish when it was discovered that Sens’ owner Eugene Melnyk had bribed the Ottawa goal judge who happened to be the illegitimate son of Gary Bettman’s mistress, both of which were uncovered after a police raid in Kanata found a love triangle that included Mike Milbury, Glenn Healy, and fitnesss guru Richard Simmons, who were nabbed in a cross-dressing orgy at the home of Melynyk’s brother’s sister-in-law’s babysitter, who happened to be the goal judge’s mother who had somehow been let out prematurely from the Womens’ Home For Newly-Paroled Streetwalkers.

And because the illegal results were from every single Senators-Montreal Canadiens game this year, it has been ruled in an overwhelming vote from certain owners not wanting their dirty female laundry aired, that the Habs are indeed in this year’s playoffs and will take on the New York Rangers beginning Wednesday night in New York.

And because of the dastardy deeds unearthed, it has also been decided the Canadiens will NOT have to forfeit their high draft pick. So it’s a win-win situation for the Montrealers.

The Canadiens are now scrambling to find their jerseys which they had given out to fans after what they thought was their last game.

“I pense nous can take le Rangers,” said Randy Cunneyworth. “Et when nous do, qui knows que ca will happen?”

And for me personally, all I can say is, it’s about time the breaks went our way.

I just can’t wait for Wednesday. Go Habs!


6 thoughts on “Breaking News – Habs In Playoffs”

  1. This just in: Habs trade 1st round pick to Florida for Huberdeau(?) and if were are lucky we throw in Gome or Kaberle or Bourque. We get an NHL ready player from our own back yard and Florida gets a top 4 pick. To me thats a win win for both teams and a good way for our new GM to make some fans in his new job. What do you think?

  2. Hey Dennis I can see this long road trip is starting to take effect on your body or is it that “green, green grass of home” they grow down there doin it?

  3. Well Dennis. It appears you and the residents of Weed are not the only ones who think the habs are in the playoffs. Believe it or not, ChrismLee has been chosen to officiate in the playofs which is proof positive that the higher ups in the NHL think the Habs are indeed in……. Why else would he be selected?

  4. Draft positions have been set …..Montreal is at 3rd and will probably pick the

    big Russian centre Grigorenko of the Ramparts….

    Edmonton wins the lottery and picks 1st again..3 years in a row..unreal

  5. Grigorenko worries me. If he is a Kovalev type then we don’t need him. I’d prefer Galyenchuk or Forsberg. Also in the next two months anything can happen. We may trade that pick away if we get some great offer. Gee, does Gomez have a younger brother?

    Boy did Burke ever look pissed off.

  6. Hey don’t be bashin’ on ol’ Heals. He’s finally come around and seems to have a real bromance goin’ with Price. Didn’t you hear him at the allstar game? Positively fawning! It’s nice to have one of those CBC talking heads support a Hab for a change!

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