Breakfast Of Champions

Joey “Jaws” Chestnut came from behind yesterday at the Coney Island Hot Dog-Eating Contest and gobbled up 54 hot dogs in ten minutes to capture his fourth consecutive July 4th championship. There’s a possibility I’ve eaten three hot dogs in ten minutes but maybe not. Maybe it’s just two.

Whatever it is, it’s more than 50 shy of Chestnut’s deed.

Good old Joey Chestnut just ate 54 things that consist of intestines, brain, skin, bones, and other things including feet and heads of chickens, and then the fine ingredients have some sort of gooey stuff and pink dye added to them and  forced through tubes and voila – delicious hot dogs.

He ate 54 of these. How do all of these fit in his stomach? Does he pause for a big dump at the five-minute mark? Whatever, this should be an Olympic sport. Imagine medal winners throwing up on the podium! Best of all, one can train while sitting on one’s ass at a baseball game.

Joey Chestnut. The king. The best. The Bobby Orr of hot dog eating. We can mention him in the same breath as other sporting greats – Air Jordan; Gretzky – The Great One; Babe Ruth – The Sultan of Swat. And now Joey, The Sultan of Stomach. 

Forget about Kobayashi, he’s finished. Hasn’t won in four years. The ex-champ’s been in so many contract disputes with Major League Eating that he’s out of shape. Washed up. A has-been. And he’s always been a bit of a hot dog.

It’s all Chestnut now. A hero for young kids everywhere who stuff their faces and dream about some day hoisting the cherished hot dog-eating  Cup.

4 thoughts on “Breakfast Of Champions”

  1. Just a reminder Dennis of that hockey road trip to New Jersey in the 80’s when the boys collectively sprang for the 4 dogs for a buck at the local gas station when we filled the tank. I do believe you wolfed them down in a time well under 10 minutes.
    With such obvious talent, I think that with a little time and effort you could have been the Joey Chestnut of Canada.Another Hab dynasty was in the making.

  2. JW, you’ve got the memory of an elephant. But I do recall now that you’ve mentioned it about the 4 hot dogs. OLYMPICS HERE WE COME!!!!!!

  3. You’re going to have to train hard to beat 54, Dennis, but I have faith in you. Will you be wearing a red Canadian leotard to blend in the ketchup stains? Or are you a purist – no condiments whatsoever? I’m glad this is a category that won’t be affected by your back injury. Is that any better by the way? Hope so.

  4. There will be no mustard, ketchup, and relish, Tyg. This will be pure sport, no steroids or condiments. And the back? Thanks for asking. It’s a slow process to be sure. I’m starting physio today to go along with massage therapy, and I’m walking a lot because the doc told me to stay active. I did a big number on the pelvis and muscles around it for sure, and I even shortened one leg an inch but that’s being corrected now. I need to be in shape for stick boy camp in September.

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