Bob Gainey’s Been Working Hard. Now I’m Stepping In

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Dear Person In Charge Of Heaven

You had your priest make all the boys in grade seven become altar boys, even though several of us would rather have stuck needles in our eyes. You made us take turns getting up at six in the morning during the summer holidays so we could ride our bikes to the church, put those things on, and forget what to do. I always rang the bell at the wrong time. Sometimes I stood when I should be sitting, or knelt when I should be standing. Sometimes I came close to tripping in front of all the churchgoers because my black robe was too long. And I once set my white robe on fire lighting candles and the Monsignor had to run out and swat me out. It’s no wonder the Monsignor and the other priests took about eight extra drinks of wine when I was altar boying.

So you see, I paid my dues. Now you can do a little for me.

You can make the Montreal Canadiens a fire-wagon, powerhouse machine that destroys the Boston Bruins and Toronto Maple Leafs and Ottawa Senators and the rest of those evil groups that probably don’t have one ex-altar boy among them.

Then you can finish it off with the Canadiens winning the Stanley Cup.

Hey, you owe me.

(That’s me, three rows up, fourth from the right. The one who’s probably thinking about several of the girls in my grade seven class who were developing lovely breasts.)

10 thoughts on “Bob Gainey’s Been Working Hard. Now I’m Stepping In”

  1. I don’t know Dennis Divine Intervention? Something about a team named the NJ Devils having all kinds of success makes me think all your trials and tribulations as an alter boy is not going to matter. The habs will have to do it without any help from above and you are just going to have to live with your memories even the ones of grade 7 girls!

  2. No denying that, but the divine and Hollywood generally require different ssles pitches. Lol

  3. Hmmm. The more I think about it……….Hollywood does have an inside track to the divine, doesn’t it? I saw The Ten Commandments and Ben Hur. They were pretty divine.

  4. The Habs don’t need divine intervention to win. It’s just part of the natural order of the universe. Unfortunately the universe has been a bit chaotic for most of the last 30 years. These years have simply been the exception to prove the rule.

    Hollywood was built on sex. Breasts make up a big part of that as in The Ten Commandments. In Ben Hur the sexuality was between Charlton Heston and Stephen Boyd.

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