Better For Bettman
The original Stanley Cup, from 1892. Even Gary Bettman could have lifted it. Maybe.
If only it hadn’t gotten bigger over the years. The darn thing’s 36 inches high now, whereas the original was just over 7 inches. It’s too much for little Gary. And of course he wouldn’t lift the modern one above his head even if he could - that’s reserved for the winning team. If he tried, he might go from five foot five to four foot five.
I’m surprised he doesn’t put his back out just looking at it.
When the L.A. Kings won the prize recently, GM Dean Lombardi was offered the Cup during the on-ice celebrations, and after hedging on it for a few seconds, finally agreed to take it. But he struggled to lift it high, and if Lombardi had trouble with it, imagine Bettman. It would have crushed him like Tim Thomas stomping a 98-pound, long-haired Democrat. Like Wile E. Coyote having an Acme safe dropped on him.
If only the Stanley Cup had stayed the size of the original. Bettman could have lifted it like crazy. For a few seconds at least.
But alas, the Cup is too big now.
Maybe it should be made of styrofoam. For the President’s sake.