I’ve decided you need some culture. I see you galavanting around, whooping and hollering and skinny-dipping and carrying on like nobody’s business, like Prince Harry if you’re a guy, or Lindsay Lohan or Brad Marchand if you’re a gal. Your parents are probably quite upset, and I’m pretty darn concerned.
So I’m giving you a poem in the hopes that it might rub off in some small way. Kind of get you pointed towards the straight and narrow again, back to those times before you decided to go wild and embarrass your relatives.
It’s not the first time I’ve shown a hockey poem. There was “Monsieur Joliat” by Wilson MacDonald, and now this. Coincidentally, both poems are from the 1930’s.
This one’s called “I’ll Take Hockey Anytime,” written by legendary New York author and sportswriter John Kieran, and I’m hoping this newfound culture changes you somewhat. It’s just been pretty inexcusable the way you’ve been acting during this off-season.