Dennis Kane’s Excellent Montreal Canadiens Blog

I suppose getting eight out of twelve points on the big Habs road trip is good, but that loss last night to the Rangers hurt. After all, Montreal had come from behind, had the lead, played really well, and yet once again a goal was scored against them late in the game and then they lost in overtime. It’s like one of those nightmares where you’re driving your brand new Cadillac off the dealer’s lot and you get slammed and your new set of wheels is completely totalled. Or that beautiful chick you’ve been dating turns out to be a guy when you finally get her into bed.

It would’ve been so nice to win, especially against a team that has Sean Avery on it. Avery was voted most despised player in the league by his peers, and I really wish someone would jam a stick, several pucks, and a couple of jock straps down that grinning mouth of his.

Anyway, the Habs have 45 points after 39 games, which isn’t bad, but last year at this stage, they already had 51 points. And last year they didn’t make the playoffs. But last year they had David Aebisher playing goal from time to time.

Now I’ve got big faith in the boys, especially the way the Kostitsyn brothers, and the goalies, are playing. And I know I sound like a broken record but if fans at the Bell Centre don’t shut up with that horrible “Olay, Olay” song, the team won’t make the playoffs again. It pisses the other teams off because it sounds so smug. And it never works. This song must have been concocted by the devil, or possibly Sean Avery.

When the US played Russia in the World Junior’s yesterday, it reminded me of something. As much as I’m a neighbour of the US and look and speak the same as most Americans, I always cheer for Russia when the two teams meet. But the US won this game, just like they did on that wintry day in 1980.

HOCKEY’S OUR GAME, EH! 

1980 was the year of the Winter Oympics in Lake Placid, and the US, in a supreme moment of absolute bullshit, beat the mighty Russians and the whole country (at least those who had heard of hockey, probably not in Alabama and Arkansas), celebrated like crazy. It was the worst thing that could have happened. Because after that, the US got this thing in their head about being the best in the world in hockey, just like they are sure they are the best in everything else.  The last we needed was another bit of “We’re great. We’re the best. God bless America, blah, blah, blah.” It’s bad enough when talk show hosts and their guests spew garbage about living in the best country in the world, so we don’t need them claiming hockey too.

WAS THE RUSSIAN COACH TIKHONOV PAID OFF? 

And even though the American team had only youngsters on their rosters in 1980 and a scattering of players who would eventually play in the NHL (Mike Ramsay, Neil Broten, Mark Johnson), we must never forget that the Russian team were old granddaddies with six who had played in the big 1972 Summit Series (Mikhailov, Petrov, Maltsev, Vasiliev, Tretiak, and the great Valeri Kharlamov, who would be killed in a car accident the following year, 1981,) And for inexplicable reasons, coach and rotten bastard Victor Tikhonov pulled the great Tretiak after the first period and replaced him with mediocre backup Vladimir Myshkin. (And as I write this, I can’t help but think that could it be possible Tikhonov was being paid off? Even Russian players years later admitted they had no idea why Tikhonov did that).

The US had one other game to go, against Finland and they won that too and claimed Olympic gold. And that was that.

And for the sake of American ego’s everwhere, it was the worst thing that could have happened.

Few things are better for a Canadian hockey fan than the World Junior Championships. It’s a great tournament that is huge in our country, and Canadians are proud that their young players representing us are so good and so successful. After all, before today, Canada had won 20 straight games, and things were becoming almost, boring? But, as they say, all good things must come to an end, because those Swedes, in their yellow jerseys, beat our boys 4-3. Harold Ballard would hate this.

Of course, Harold Ballard, who was the bombastic owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs in the 1970’s and 80’s, hated a lot of things, but maybe most of all, he had no use whatsoever for European hockey players. He even disliked two of his own Leafs, Swedes Borje Salming, and Inge Hammarstrom. Ballard even came up with the famous quote about how a Swede could go into a corner with a bunch of eggs and come out with none broken. Because of Harold, Swedes were labelled as “Chicken Swedes” throughout the league. And now these Swedes beat Canada. Sometimes life can be so unfair.

However, on a more pleasant note, the master plan continues on track with the Habs clobbering Florida 5-1 last night. A real big test will be tomorrow night in New York against the Rangers. Those damn “Chicken Rangers.” They could go into a corner with a bunch of eggs and come out with none of them broken.

Phase one of the master plan has been successfully completed. The team won last night. It’s good, it’s terrific, but it’s only the beginning. This is the entire master plan set out by the mad and handsome genius, me.

Phase two:  Win tonight.

Phase three. Win on Sunday.

Phase four: Overtake the Canucks in total points and stay in front so Sandy will lose the bet and owe me.

Phase five: Win almost every game, (or every game, why not?) and make the playoffs.

Phase six:  Be successful in breaking bones and tearing ligaments of Alfredsson, Heatley, Spezza, Crosby, and several others who will try to destroy the master plan.

Phase seven:  Bring home the Stanley Cup. (where it belongs.)

Although I have some doubts myself about the job Bob Gainey and Guy Carbonneau are doing, I’m basically ready to forgive and forget as soon as the team starts winning. But you should see what others think. 

Over on the right hand side of my blog is a link called “Habs Blog.” It’s the official blog sponsored by the team, and it’s a forum for mostly diehard Habs fans to offer their opinions about how they want to hang Gainey and Carbonneau by the balls, maybe ship Alexei Kovalev back to Russia dead or alive, and all the other reasons why their team needs to be blown up and re-done. It’s quite fascinating. It’s better than Mad magazine. Better than Saturday Night Live. It’s comedy at its finest.

The thing is though, most of these people who write in are simply full of it. They know their stats, that’s for sure, but their minds are made up that they’re right and Bob Gainey is wrong. But what jumps out for me is this: These same people almost had a heart attack when Gainey drafted goalie Carey Price in 2005 instead of Gilbert Brule, who they thought was going to be the next Guy Lafleur. Of course, they were all wrong and Gainey ended up being right. But it doesn’t stop these extremely opinionated folks from giving their hard-assed thoughts on why they want Gainey’s head on a platter, and why every one of them would make a better General Manager than him.

Have a look at this link. It’s great reading. Even offer an opinion. You might as well do it there because you’re not doing it here.

It’s time the team made Ebenezer Scrooge and the Grinch look like Mother Teresa. It’s time to pull out the stops, kick the slump in the ass, and start playing every game with energy and enthusiasm. Games tomorrow against Tampa Bay, Friday against the Panthers, and Sunday in New York against the Rangers mark the time when it should be decided whether coach Guy Carbonneau should be given his walking papers or not. Giving 100% and losing can be excused, but giving 60% and losing is inexcusable. For me, not giving their all means the coach needs to be replaced.

And just think, I was a big fan of Carbonneau’s when he was a player. However, if the team starts winning, I’ll be a big fan of his as a coach too. But it doesn’t look great right now. I’m also starting to wonder about GM Bob Gainey, but first things first. Follow along with me even if you hate the Habs. Check the scores and see how they do in the next three games. The coach should be gone if they lose all three, or even two out of three. Follow along and treat it like it’s some kind of Deal or No Deal or something.

Merry Christmas to Lawrence and Sarah and Rob and Patti and Sandy and Jack Kerouac. Merry Christmas to the Rocket, Jean Beliveau, Bob Dylan, the Beatles, dead and alive, to Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot, Cate Blanchette, Humphrey Bogart, the female professionals on Dancing With the Stars, the gang at the Ferries, and Ashley Judd. Merry Christmas to Saku and Comrades Alexei, Sergei, and Andrei. Merry Christmas to Red Fisher, Frank, Mike the Head and Diana, Danny, Bruce, Jasmyne, Delaney, Wendy, and Kerry, Bob, two lovely Kathy’s, Susan, and Pam Anderson. Merry Christmas to the guy who stuck his head in the horn speaker at Atlantic City, to the guys who invented foreplay and the printing press, and to DB Cooper who jumped out of a jetliner with thousands of stolen dollars and was never caught. Merry Christmas to Ed Sullivan, Van Morrison, Bruce Springsteen, Gary and Diane, Carey Price, Rick and Marge, Aurel Joliet, and Pit Lepine. Merry Christmas to the staff at Zapravka in St. Petersburg and TC’s in Powell River. Merry Christmas to the nice lady at Wilf’s, Bill Bryson, Guy Lafleur, Mikhail Gorbachev, my kids, my wife Luciena, the cat, to all humans, and also to Canucks fans. Merry Christmas to everyone who likes my column in the Peak and everyone who reads this blog. Merry Christmas to the Montreal Canadiens, who have warmed my heart and also made me want to commit violent acts. Merry Christmas to everyone who likes me, because I like you.

In regards to yesterday’s blog, which I’m sure thousands of you read, not only did the team lose 4-1 to the Dallas Stars, but that money-hungry, Crosby groupie Mike Ribeiro had a goal and two assists. But I stand by my word. I still wouldn’t want him back in Montreal.

Montreal has 7 less points than last year at this time, but what happened next isn’t going to happen this year. Beginning Dec 29th of last year, the team won only 9 out their next 35 games. But they had Huet and David Aebischer in goal last year and not Huet and Carey Price. There’s no way they’re going to be as pathetic this year.

Big game tonight in Dallas, the last before the short Christmas break.  And in the BIG overall picture, I need to win my yearly bet with Sandy, the one about who will finish with the most points, Montreal or those ridiculous Canucks. If there really is a Santa, he will come through for me. I need this bet. If you’ve heard Sandy, you know what I mean.

And one last thing about Dallas. Now that ex-Hab Mike Ribeiro is playing well with Dallas, people all over are saying what a mistake it was for Montreal to let him go. NO WAY. Ribeiro in Montreal was a selfish prima donna who only cared about if he played well, then his next contract would be better. It was all about money, not the team, for this immature player. I also saw with my own eyes the night with Pittsburgh in town and Montreal losing by a goal in a hard fought and important game, with a stoppage in play, Ribeiro skated over to Sidney Crosby and asked him if he could have his stick. Right then and there, I wanted Rebeiro out of Montreal. Ribeiro was never the kind of player I wanted on the Habs and I don’t care if he scores 50 goals this year with Dallas, I wouldn’t want him back.

Montreal has 7 less points than last year at this time, but what happened next isn’t going to happen this year. Beginning Dec 29th of last year, the team won only 9 out their next 35 games. But they had Huet and David Aebischer in goal last year and not Huet and Carey Price. There’s no way they’re going to be as pathetic this year.

Big game tonight in Dallas, the last before the short Christmas break.  And in the BIG overall picture, I need to win my yearly bet with Sandy, the one about who will finish with the most points, Montreal or those ridiculous Canucks. If there really is a Santa, he will come through for me. I need this bet. If you’ve heard Sandy, you know what I mean.

And one last thing about Dallas. Now that ex-Hab Mike Rebeiro is playing well with Dallas, people all over are saying what a mistake it was for Montreal to let him go. NO WAY. Rebeiro in Montreal was a selfish prima donna who only cared about if he played well, then his next contract would be better. It was all about money, not the team, for this immature player. I also saw with my own eyes the night with Pittsburgh in town and Montreal losing by a goal in a hard fought and important game, with a stoppage in play, Rebeiro skated over to Sidney Crosby and asked him if he could have his stick. Right then and there, I wanted Rebeiro out of Montreal. Rebeiro was never the kind of player I wanted on the Habs and I don’t care if he scores 50 goals this year with Dallas, I wouldn’t want him back.